The Logic of a Child
by IMBSA
Summary: While trying out an experiment for the military, Ed, Al, and Roy make a tiny, little mistake, which ends up with two pintsize problems: Riza and Winry. COMPLETE.
1. She Who Hesitates is Probably Right

The Logic of a Child

By: IMBSA

IMBSA: OK, this idea was hanging around in my head, and I finally bugged my mom about it and then she bugged me and now I'm sitting in front of my computer, typing this up. Part of—all right, a LOT of my inspiration for this fic came from another fanfic on this site called "No Need for Chibis" (I think). It's somewhere in the Yu Yu Hakusho section. It's funny, so I must thank the author for that. And the reason why I have a botched alchemy experiment….Well, they're just fun, albeit a little overused, but I had no other idea. And why they would be screwing around with plant alchemy….I don't know….

Disclaimer: "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

IMBSA: This is only my second FMA fic, so please be nice. I'm up to chapter 26, I believe in the manga and episode 19 in the anime, so I don't know very much. Please excuse me if I have anything wrong! By the way, this is royai, slight Edwin, so if you don't like either, then I suggest you stop reading and go back. Enjoy!

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

"Why the hell are we doing this?" Colonel Roy Mustang rolled his eyes at Ed's complaint. Ever the blunt one, FullMetal was.

"Would you like to go to the Fuhrer and ask him that yourself?" Roy questioned. "The only reason you and your brother were given this task is because you learned some useful things from those boys back in Xenotime and we don't have any plant alchemists on military payroll." He paused deliberately. There was a subtle threat in his next words. "Of course, if the brass _knew_ about them, I'm sure the Fuhrer would have no problem '_convincing_' them to help." He sighed. "I'm only here to supervise and make sure you get _this_ assignment done." Ed's eyes narrowed and he was about to retort sharply when Alphonse cut him off.

"Big brother, you know what the Colonel says is true."

Ed was not convinced. "I still don't agree with it though. This could fall in the wrong hands."

"It's only a head of lettuce. How dangerous could it be? Don't tell me you're afraid of some healthy greens." He smirked. "Jealous that its head is larger than yours? Besides, I'd've thought that you would jump at the chance to make people shorter than you, runt."

Ed blew up. "Who are calling so short a speck of dust could be his twin!"

"SH, big brother! You'll wake someone up!"

"Who'd be crazy enough to be sleeping in a mess hall kitchen?" Ed asked incredulously.

"Your voice carries and echoes."

"So does yours in that big metal suit!" Alphonse looked down sadly, unable to argue his big brother's point.

"Stop your family feud." Roy commanded. "We need to get back to the experiment, if you've forgotten our reason for being in here."

"Why _are_ we even here! Don't you see enough of this damn place to last you your entire life?" Ed could not stop asking questions.

"We're _here_ so if something blows up, we won't have to go to work tomorrow." Roy replied as though his logic was perfectly understandable.

"I don't think we'll be going _any_where if we blew up."

"Precisely my point."

"That's a dumbass point for a few days of vacation. It doesn't even make sense!"

"It won't blow up." Alphonse reassured them. "I've seen Fletcher do this a lot of times before and he hasn't caused an explosion."

"Yeah, well, he's a little more practiced than we are." Ed responded slightly bitterly.

There was a pause.

"That's true," Alphonse admitted forlornly.

"Let's just do it." Roy, once again, butted in.

""""""""""

"Satisfied?" Ed asked as they gazed at the once-leafy head of lettuce.

"It's not as short as, say, _you_, but it's fine for our first attempt. We should try it again tomorrow." He continued, unperturbed at the sight of Alphonse struggling to hold back a supremely pissed off Ed. "Well," Roy stretched, "been nice, but I need to go now. I've got a lot of work to prepare for, with the Fuhrer threatening to drop in tomorrow. Not to mention all the paperwork Hawkeye shoved on me today, _and_ what she'll most likely shove on me tomorrow."

"Yeah, your life's just one huge sob story." Ed scathingly interjected as his commanding officer nonchalantly passed him on his way out. "Shoveling a lot of crap there, ain't ya, _Mustang_?" Much to Ed's dismay, Roy left without a word, as if he had not heard the boy. "Horse's ass," he muttered darkly.

"Big brother…." Alphonse paused. "So what should we do with the lettuce?"

"I don't know and I don't care." Ed tossed over his shoulder as he stalked sulkingly out of the room. Al sighed and followed his brother out. Of course, as luck would have it, a green spark ran down the sprout and it slowly returned to its original size the moment they had left the room. It seemed to settle down quietly. Another green spark ran through the veins of the plant, an ominous sign of what was to come.

""""""""""""""

Early the next day, Roy made his way to the kitchen. A thought had struck him before he fell asleep just what the repercussions would be if someone got a hold of the tainted vegetable. Bearing that in mind, Roy opened the doors to the mess hall kitchen in search of the vegetable in question. He could not find the little sprout that he last left on the counter. Sure, there was a huge head of lettuce where they had conducted the experiment, but he knew that it was a _sprout_ he was looking for. He looked around, hand going chin in a thoughtful manner before he shook his head and left, figuring that Ed and Alphonse must have taken it with them.

The moment he exited from the delivery door, two someones entered from the door to the hall itself.

"We're lucky the cooks aren't here yet." Winry Rockbell observed happily as she came into the mess hall kitchen. She was visiting Ed and Al (a fast-becoming frequent occasion; Roy asked Ed when she would be moving to Central whenever he got the chance).

"Oh, you just don't _know_." Riza agreed, walking in behind her. "I can't _stand_ that gruel they serve."

"So what are we gonna have?" As the words left Winry's lips, both spied an unattended and rather harmless-looking head of lettuce sitting on the counter near the sink. "I'm in the mood for…_salad_." Winry continued, looking the lettuce over appraisingly.

"I don't know." Riza answered, eyeing the vegetable suspiciously.

"Oh, come on, Ms. Riza. How long has it been since you've had a salad? Or even _fresh_ food?"

Riza was still apprehensive, but her mouth betrayed her and said, "I guess."

Winry smiled and both women turned to wash the head of lettuce in the sink.

""""""""""""""

"Hey, FullMetal. Where's your deadly green foe who's finally shorter than you?" Roy had intercepted them on their path to the kitchen, the very place he had just left and was currently walking back with the brothers' company.

"What are you talking about, Mustang?" This, of course, was Ed. "You hungry or something?" His voice was so acerbic, Roy wondered why he wasn't a puddle of melted flesh.

"No. I just looked in there and I couldn't find it."

"What do you mean you couldn't find it? You mean you lost—"

"Exactly what I said. It's not there."

Ed gaped at him. "Not—" He sputtered. "Well I don't have it!"

"We left it on the counter." Alphonse verified.

"On the—that means it reverted back to its normal size sometime after we left it. I didn't see the sprout, but I found a head of lettuce."

"That means the effects aren't permanent, then." Ed muttered thoughtfully. "We'll have to fix that." He looked at Roy. "So why are you—" The teenager was cut off by a series of loud crashes coming from the mess hall kitchen. All three—well, two, since Al's armor allowed for no facial expression—males' eyes widened.

What had happened to their harmless "healthy greens"?

They ran to the delivery door and yanked it open, all three trying to fit in the door at once. They fell to the floor and hurriedly picked themselves up. And then their jaws dropped. At first glance, nothing was out of place. It seemed like someone had been trying to make a salad with a head of lettuce that sat, half –way sliced, on a cutting board. The same lettuce, it seemed, that was subject to an age regression experiment by Ed, Al, and Roy the night before. Two plates which held a good amount of leafy greens were on the counter, both looking partially eaten.

The men's jaws had dropped when they found the source of the noise.

Two little blonde girls, one's hair slightly darker than the other's, sat on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by pots, pans, and spoons of all sorts, bottom cupboard doors open wide. One was stirring an invisible concoction in a huge stew-pot. The other was banging loudly with a spoon on the bottoms of upturned pots while singing a nonsense song. They could have been no older than four, at the very most.

But that was not the reason why the brothers and the Colonel were surprised. The reason was that one of them—the one singing—was wearing a white sundress, the other a perfect replica of a first lieutenant's military uniform. When the girls noticed their visitors, they blinked up rather innocently with pairs of painfully young eyes. Eyes that they recognized quite well, despite the obvious age gaps.

"Oh my god…."

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: Eheheheh. I couldn't resist. I saw some really cute picture where the FMA cast was younger and that also helped me to write this. Well. R&R!


	2. Intros of Friends, Old and New, Sorta

The Logic of a Child

Chapter 2: Introductions of Friends, Old and New….Sorta

By: IMBSA

IMBSA: Here beeth the second chapter. Enjoy. And I apologize if I get facts wrong and anyone OOC. But, this is humor, right? So it shouldn't matter. And, in case I haven't made it clear it's only _slightly_ Royai and EdWin for obvious reasons. Sorry folks. Mostly assumptions and thoughts/feelings on the guys' parts.

Disclaimer: "This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me."

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

In a rare panicked state, Roy tried to talk to one of the girls (who had gone back to their previous engagements). He knelt by Riza, paused to regain his composure, and in the least threatening stalker-like voice he could muster up, he asked, "So, what's your name?" As an after-thought, he realized that it sounded like a corny, trite pick-up line. '_Damn, I've done better than that…._' But, then again, they weren't four year olds, interested in cooking pretend soup or singing in a pretend band.

Not looking up from her make-believe stew, Riza, in a perfect chibi voice, replied, "My mommy and daddy told me to never talk to strangers."

'_Shit, what to do now?_' Roy tried a different approach. "Oh, _I_ know you; you're Riza, aren't you?" That caught the girl's attention. She stopped and gave him a funny, unsure look. "See, I'm your…" he stopped searching desperately for an appropriate title. He only came up with one. "Your…Uncle…Roy…." He finished reluctantly.

"Uncle…_Roy_?" She asked, wide eyes gazing into his. Those young, innocent eyes immediately made the man forget what he was planning to say. There was no doubt that she was a cute little girl. After a moment's deliberation, she quickly said, "Okay!" and returned to her "soup".

Ed, meanwhile, was not having as tough a time. Winry immediately recognized him, calling him endearingly, "Tall tall Ed," which made the blond boy feel good. He guessed that towards her four year old body and, seemingly, mind, he _was_ a giant. Once she was done staring adoringly at him, Winry began making noise with the spoon and her "instruments".

The men looked at each other, momentarily forgotten.

"It must have been the lettuce they ate that made them this way." Alphonse commented. "And if it wasn't permanent for the lettuce, then this isn't either!"

"Yeah, but how long until it wears off, that's the problem!" Ed half-groaned, mussing up his hair to punctuate his point.

"Besides, that was a plant; they're human and—" Roy, who was the one speaking, sucked in a huge breath. "That was—"

With that realization, all three, in unison, finished, "—human transmutation," doom evident in their voices.

Al struck upon an even more horrifying thought. "What if the Fuhrer comes in? We won't be able to explain it away." He cried, something akin to fear in his eyes. "He'd kick us out just because we have kids in there, never mind that we used human alchemy!" In a fit of panicked rambling, Alphonse started to lose it. "He'll notice that the Lieutenant is missing and her uniform is on _her_ and then you'll lose your promotion, Colonel; brother, you'll lose your watch, we'll never find the Philosopher's Stone now and—"

"Al, if I could slap you and not get hurt, I would!" Ed yelled, trying to calm his brother down.

"It's ok, Alphonse, we just have to hide them until it wears off." Roy added. Abruptly he was aware of just how loud his voice sounded, ringing as it was in the sudden silence. Both Ed and Roy slowly turned to find the girls wide-eyed, mouths agape, pointing in Al's direction.

Simultaneously, they began shrieking in stark terror at the large, monstrous, metal figure in the corner of the kitchen.

Roy was beside himself. His hands went up to clutch his black locks. "Shit!" He muttered before dropping to his knees beside Riza. "It's ok, he's not going to hurt you, Uncle Roy's right here—" Riza, blindly seeking comfort, fastened her arms around Roy's neck, taking him by surprise as she buried her face in his chest. "Oh great." He murmured as he tried to soothe the little Riza in his arms. '_This is just a _little_ bit freaky in a Freudian sort of way._'

"Please don't cry," Al entreated, sounding on the verge of hysterics himself. "I'm really nice! I wouldn't hurt a fly! Believe me!"

Winry ceased crying long enough to chuck an iron skillet at Alphonse's head. Her throw connected and Alphonse suddenly became a _headless_, large, monstrous, metal figure in the corner of the kitchen, reaching out sightlessly for Winry it seemed in the young girl's mind. Winry paired her screaming with large, noisy water works.

"Al, just go!" Ed shouted to his little brother. It made sense. Little Winry wouldn't recognize Alphonse as this huge, metal, monstrosity, but as a young boy.

"As soon as I find my head!" Before long, Al had found that elusive top part of his armor and swiftly made his way out. Roy mentally thanked whichever god-like entity watching that Riza had not seen the little—er, _big_ episode. His arm brushed against something hard and cold strapped to his charge's waist at the back. He felt a twin object at her hip. Slowly and cautiously so as not to upset Riza (she was starting to calm down), he withdrew the items and stared in shocked amazement. Two miniature pistols sat in his hand, just the right size for a little four year old's grip. Eyebrows raised, Roy quietly decided that they had no place in his poor Riza's possession. He was lucky that she hadn't shot off Alphonse's head…or even his own. He made sure the safety was on before placing them carefully in his pocket. Besides, he had an idea on how to replace them with something less harmful—water pistols!

With Alphonse gone, Winry had stopped screaming though tears leaked out of her big, expressive eyes. In a terrified voice that conveyed emotions as only a child's could, Winry half-whispered, "Tall tall Ed….I'm scared." Even Ed could not resist his friend's need for protection. He walked over and picked the girl up, cooing, yes, cooing into her ear.

"It's all right." He told her gently. "You don't know who that was? That was Al," he continued struggling to find the right words to explain Al away to her, "he's my…my…big toy."

Roy looked over at him. "That didn't sound right." He informed the boy.

Ed's tender mood was broken immediately. "Only your twisted mind would misconstrue _that_, Mustang!" He yelled. "And this coming from the man who's cuddling with the four year old version of his 1st Lieutenant. Sicko."

"Hey. It's not _my_ fault. _She_ grabbed onto _me_!"

"That doesn't mean you're not enjoying it."

"She's four years old, for god's sake!"

"Yeah, exactly, freak."

"Don't call me a freak, FullMetal. You forget what kind of blackmail I have on you."

"And you think _this_ isn't worthy of blackmail?"

"You have no proof."

"And you do?"

"Excuse me, but who's the four year old here? I couldn't tell from your height. Are you even standing, Ed?"

The boy's face turned scarlet. "What did you—"

Surprisingly, Winry giggled, being amused by Ed's tortured facial expressions.

"Tall tall Ed's funny." She crooned, causing a small grin on Ed's face. He turned his attention to her instead of dignifying his superior officer with a response.

Seeing as how he failed to get a rise out of Ed, Roy craned his neck to look at Riza from where her head was nestled into his shoulder. She was fast asleep after all the hysterics having cried herself into slumber, hand curled into the fabric of his jacket, as if seeking security, legs dangling slightly as he held her off the ground. He couldn't help it; he began to smile at the picture of cuteness she made. Now he knew why Maes cherished his photos so much. 'Photos….Maes….He'd know what to do….'_Wait, Elysia has a cold and he's staying home with her. Damn._'

They heard a knock at the door from the hall. Both froze as they surveyed the mess of pots and pans on the floor of the kitchen. "The cooks…are going to _kill_ us." Roy said, convinced of the worst.

Contrary to their speculation, however, the door opened and the head of none other than 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc poked through the gap, closely followed by the bespectacled face of Master Sergeant Cain Fury.

"Uh…." Havoc began nervously. "Everything all right, sir?" He asked quizzically, looking around the disheveled room. "There were some reports of…_noises_ from the kitchen. What happened, sir?"

"You and Fury clean this up and see me in my office afterwards." Roy replied, ducking the question and stepping over the pots and pans strewn across the floor. With as much dignity as he could with a small child sleeping in his arms, he walked out.

The two men looked at Ed who was busy scraping the head of lettuce into a towel. One plate of salad remained, which Fury quickly saw.

"Mmm, salad," he murmured, hand moving towards the tempting leaves as if to scoop it up and put it in his mouth.

"Don't touch it! Put it down!" Ed yelled, making poor Cain jump backwards. Ed grabbed the plate and ran out, towel, lettuce, and Winry in tow.

"Whatever, salad Nazi," Havoc muttered as the boy brushed past him. He turned to Fury, who was picking up the mess. "Didya see the Colonel…." He asked, stopping suddenly.

"Yeah."

"I didn't know that they….Nevermind."

"You don't think they…."

"Nah." Pause. "That uniform though….Looks just like…."

"The blonde hair….The clip…twist thingy….You're sure they didn't…."

"I didn't see a ring on their fingers or anything." Another pause. "I would understand if she were, like, a _baby_ or something….The Lieutenant didn't even look like she was…."

"Can a newborn be that big?"

"Nah."

"Where is the Lieutenant anyway?"

"Beats me."

Both men looked ponderingly up. "Hmm…." They said together, then, "Nah."

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: Ok, where is the love people? I look at my stats and see that I've had 74 friggin' hits for this story and four reviews. :quickly succumbing to hysterics: Do you have any idea how much pain and anguish this caused me? I fired my makeup and hair stylist because of you. They were good too….When they say hits, I don't think they mean target practice. :slightly back to normal: All I'm tryna say is…your opinion matters a lot to me…especially if it's in my favor 'cause it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling….So review, dammit. Please and thank you.

And for you exalted, cherished, and dearly-loved reviewers….I have some responses….

**MwuattasXTears:** Thanks, Dani! Remember, I'm counting on you for that warm fuzziness….And….Please explain the name….

**xDarkWingx:** Thank you also for the encouragement. Here's the new chapter, especially for those like you, who _reviewed_.

**Someone:** Oh, believe me, they will be. Thankies for the review!

**Tsunade-chan:** Thank you. I hope you enjoy this one too.

**Kani00:** Well, I'll give you credit for reviewing. TTYL, Mini-Me!

And, please know: this is all in jest. If you smiled even once, it was worth it. But I really _do_ want you to review. If you want.


	3. Wreaking Havoc

The Logic of a Child

Chapter 3: Wreaking Havoc

IMBSA: Microsoft Word AutoCorrect can be my worst enemy sometimes. As you may notice, especially in my review responses, things have been modified (i.e. capitalized, etc.) when they should not be. Sometimes it has the balls to correct deliberate misspellings! Such was the case in the previous chapter when Winry said that she was scared. In this chapter, she has a lisp, and in that one, she did not. You see where, I'm taking this, don't you? Anyway, I'll correct it later in the second chapter. I'd also like to clarify something: Roy is not supposed to be a pedophile. He is _not_ a pedophile. He is a _Riza_phile, and that is the only reason he is reacting to her in the way he does. He feels very awkward with the position he is given and forced into.

Disclaimer: "Life is like a bird: pretty cute until it shits on your head."

IMBSA: Warning: Chapter is _waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay_ longer than usual. We just had a lot to say.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

"Just WHO is this adorable, doll-like creature?" Major Alex Louis Armstrong bellowed enthusiastically when he met Ed and Winry in the hall. "I _must_ know this angel's name!"

Ed glanced nervously from the girl's face to the sparkling one of the major's. "Er….You _do_."

"No, no, no, no, I would remember the name of such an alluring personage! The Armstrong family is known for their extensive skill of recognition and recall!"

Ed sighed. "Major Armstrong….Meet Winry Rockbell."

Armstrong's eyes seemed to fill with tears. "Such a beautiful name for such a beautiful girl!" He paused. "Why does the name sound familiar?"

"Remember my mechanic…by the same name?"

"How sweet, she's named after that vision of lithe charm I encountered in your home town."

"Not exactly….She _is_ that vision of (_ahem_) lithe charm." Armstrong gave him a slight frown.

"That is quite impossible. No, no, you are mistaken; this is clearly a different girl." Suddenly he peered closely into her eyes. "Oh…my….the deepness of her hypnotizing magic in her eyes looks….Winry! It is you! Forgive me; I have misspoken. Do you remember me?" Looking slightly frightened, though not as much as she did with Al, Winry wordlessly shook her head, at first slow, and then fast. Armstrong put his fist to his heart. "My heart breaks…."

Seeing the growing fear in Winry's eyes Ed interceded. "Don't worry, he's really sweet, like, like a…a big, cuddly teddy bear." Slowly, a blazing smile stretched across her face.

"Teddy-sama…." She whispered happily and fell into the Major's open arms.

"Come to me, precious wonder of nature." Ed could have sworn that the sparkles had turned to hearts as the big man said those words. "You shall henceforth be known as…my niece!"

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Your _niece_? Excuse me, but you guys aren't—"

"Well, you couldn't very well say that she is the lovely lady that comes to visit you every month since you parade her around like a trophy; they will wonder what happened. I however, do not. Isn't that right, my beautiful niece?"

Winry's response was an exuberant, "Teddy-sama!" Ed pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. Well, at least she wasn't causing _too_ much commotion.

"Look at my niece!" Armstrong's energetic roar resounded from around the corner where he thrust the little girl into the face of the first person he met: Scheszka, the poor aide of Lt. Col. Maes Hughes.

Ed also heard the girl's mumbled, "Oh no; not _another_ Hughes…."

It seemed that Winry didn't need to do anything in order to attract attention; the Major was quite successful in doing that himself.

"""""""""""""""""""""""

Roy had called a meeting to order in his office. It was a very private meeting, with only his men within and several scouts outside to make sure the Fuhrer was not coming. Breda, Falman, Havoc, and Fury sat on the couch while a still-slumbering Riza curled up in the Colonel's chair. Roy himself was leaning on the edge of the desk.

Before Roy could start, Havoc asked, "Is she yours, sir?" Jerking his head in the snoozing girl's direction.

"No. Not exactly." Roy answered.

"Not exactly, sir?" Havoc repeated puzzledly.

"What I say here remains here." He paused, looking each of his subordinates in the eyes. "Some of you may be wondering: where is my—I mean, _the_ 1st Lieutenant?" He started, trying to choose his words carefully. "Well, to answer…." He gave a glance at the figure in his chair. "This _is_ 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye behind me."

The men looked from Roy to the four-year-old and back again in slight shock. And then began laughing uproariously, almost waking her up. She frowned, stirred a little, then turned over and resumed sleeping. The men stopped chuckling when they noticed that Roy did not find it amusing. His serious face seemed to quiet the room and at least half-convince some of them. A few of the men began coughing conspicuously or clearing their throats.

"Sir? Do you mean to say that…that….How did this happen?" Falman was incredulous in his inquiries. Roy sighed heavily.

"Let's just say that…it happened…and leave it at that." Roy responded.

"Will she be like that forever, sir?" Fury asked timidly.

"No, we're sure it's temporary. We just don't know…how long it will last." Roy replied. "Now, the Fuhrer has hinted that he would come by, so I'll…need help," he said the last two words almost sheepishly, "taking care of her." He paused. "We'll watch her in shifts so none of our work is neglected."

"Sir, what should we do if the Fuhrer _does_ show up?" Havoc asked.

"Hide her. Quickly. And say that…the Lieutenant is…not herself, and so she did not come to work today. Fury, you'll take the first shift; you seem to do well enough with children."

Fury looked up, eyes wide. "Me sir?" He saw the look in Roy's eyes and imperceptively gulped. "Yes sir."

""""""""""""""""""

Fury sat nervously on Roy's couch, watching Little Riza as he had come to think of her. His shift was almost over and she had not even moved (unless one counted when Roy had carried her from his chair to the couch as well as her breathing). Fury had no problem getting along with his sister's children (and basically any other youngster that came along), but somehow, he just couldn't believe that the innocent looking girl before him was the same gun-wielding, stern-faced woman who almost made him piss his pants whenever she so much as looked at him. The same one who had put seven bullet holes in the office wall simply to discipline her new pup. The one who….Well, you get the idea. It made him wonder what had caused her to become so different. What had happened in her past that was so dreadful that she turned out the way she di—his thoughts were cut off when he glanced up at the clock. Havoc's turn. But, as Fury got up and went to retrieve the 2nd Lieutenant, he couldn't help but regret that he didn't have time to play with her. The Colonel had expressly limited them to two hour shifts, though Roy's was the last one.

Havoc, apparently had been watching the clock too. He stood, gazing with an expression so full of dread that Fury almost laughed. Instead, the Master Sergeant whispered, "It'll be fine. She slept through my whole shift. She was a veritable angel." Havoc snorted derisively, as though he could never believe that 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye, who terrorized Havoc just as much as she did Fury, could ever be described using the word "angel" or "angelic" or anything that made Riza out to be anything than the stuff of darkest nightmares. Havoc was still convinced that dynamite came in small packages. Hell, whenever Riza was concerned gunpowder and/or explosions always came with her.

But then he looked at her again. She was the epitome of innocence while she slept so soundly. He doubted that anything short of a natural disaster could wake her. '_Maybe this shift_ will _be easy_.'

"Sir, I got more paperwork for you!" Breda yelled, practically throwing a HUGE stack of papers onto the Colonel's desk with a loud _thump!_ Everyone looked up at him irritatedly. "What?" He asked out loud when he saw their annoyed stares. He returned to his desk, seemingly clueless.

Fury looked at Havoc, apology in his eyes. "Good luck. I mean it." He murmured. On second thought, maybe Cain didn't want to be around her when she was awake.

Breda had not just broken the silence; he had shattered it into oblivion. And with that came—movement and stirring.

Riza sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes and stretching, sure signs that the girl was awakening for real this time. Yawning silently, Riza seemed to perpetually move. She froze when she saw Havoc. Her eyes widened and she informed him, "My mommy and daddy told me to never talk to strangers." She curled into a ball, hugging her knees and suspiciously eyeing the 2nd Lieutenant with those same piercing brown eyes. As usual, they turned Havoc into a spineless coward so he stuttered over his words.

"H-hi, I-I'm y-your Un-un—"

"Where's my Uncle Roy?" She asked, voice growing in volume with every word. "I _want_ my Uncle Roy!" She demanded.

Havoc's limited patience had had enough. "Of course you want your Uncle Roy, you _always_ want your Uncle Roy!" He cried exasperatedly. The 2nd Lieutenant knew he had made a mistake when the Colonel set his papers down, glaring at Havoc with an expression he must have learned from Riza.

"Your…Uncle Roy's right here, Riza, behind you." Roy responded. "This is…your Uncle…_Jean_." Havoc's face crumpled, mouth agape in disbelief. "He'll…play with you." Roy paused, eyes never leaving Havoc's face. "He _loves_ to jump rope and play…hopscotch." He resumed working after one final cool glare in Havoc's direction.

"Really?" Now that this tall, thin strange man had Uncle Roy's approval, Riza seemed none too shy of the blond smoker. Her eyes were alight and practically glowed. "I love those games too, Uncle Jean."

"It's not Uncle Jean, it's Uncle _Havoc_," Havoc emphasized.

Riza gave him a distrustful look. "Is it Uncle Havoc or Uncle Jean? 'Cause Uncle Roy said that you were Uncle Jean." With her back to him, the young girl could not see the smirk that appeared on Roy's face as he gazed at his papers.

Havoc bit his knee-jerk response ("Screw what Uncle Roy said!") back and answered, "I'm Uncle Havoc."

Riza nodded as if in understanding. "OK, Uncle Jean." Havoc's left eye twitched. "What's wrong with your eye, Uncle Jean?"

"God I need a smoke," he muttered to himself before he answered her question. "It's just something that happens when I'm totally pis—perturbed." He caught himself, but was too late to stop from cursing.

"What's pis—perturbed mean?"

"Um….It means….Um….Never mind. Let's jump rope."

"Yay!" She clapped her hands together, smiling brilliantly. Then she stopped. "But we don't have a jump…rope…." She trailed off, staring at Havoc, or, more specifically, his right shoulder.

Unnerved, Havoc asked, "What?" Riza staring, unblinking, at Havoc's shoulder.

"Jump rope!" She shrieked, surprisingly loud pipes for someone so small. Before the words had even left her mouth, she had vaulted face-first over the back of the couch, quite literally pouncing on Havoc. Her hands closed around the golden, braided rope coming from his epaulette. She was resourceful, even at this young age.

"What the he—" Havoc began, being cut off when he felt the girl's full weight on his shoulder as she nearly pulled his arm out of its socket trying to get her "jump rope". "No….Don't!" He yelled. "That hurts! Get off me, you damn harpy!" Riza gasped, not letting go of her prize.

"You said a naughty word!" The rest of her sentence turned sulky. "I'm telling Uncle Roy!"

"I think he already heard me, OK?"

But Riza was calling, "Uncle Rooooooooooooooooooooooy!" In a sing-song voice, letting go of Havoc's uniform, so as not to seem to have been doing anything incriminating.

"Yes, Riza?" The Flame Alchemist responded like a faithful dog.

"Uncle Jean's not being nice to me." Tears were already welling in her eyes, almost falling, but not quite. "He called me a damn harpy."

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes you did, stop fibbing!" She ran over to Roy, attaching herself to the shin of his boot, tears now overflowing her eyes. "I'm not a damn harpy, am I Uncle Roy?"

"No, you're not." He answered, looking up at Havoc coldly. '_He made her cry….Bastard. She's only 4 years old…._' Roy patted her head impulsively. Riza smirked into the folds of his pantleg as though she somehow knew Uncle Roy would always be on her side. "Uncle Jean, need I remind you of her young age?"

"She attacked me! She was tearing at my uniform!…_Sir_," Havoc attempted to defend himself.

Roy opened a drawer on the left side of his desk as deftly as he could with a four year old clinging to his leg. He drew out a brown leather jump rope with wooden handles and gave it to the girl.

"Yay!" Riza exclaimed and took the gift from her "Uncle Roy" and ran to Havoc. "Let's play jump rope!"

However, any attempts after that moment to have a good, organized game of jump rope were foiled by the opening of the door so forcefully that it slammed against the opposite wall. Havoc, remembering Roy's instructions, grabbed Riza's arms as if to conceal her on the other side of the couch. Fortunately for them, it was only Major Armstrong. A very distressed and harried-looking Major Armstrong who saluted smartly before approaching Roy's desk.

"Sir, I am in need of your assistance," he said.

Roy raised his eyebrows. "What happened?"

As this was going on, Havoc began playing _his_ form of jump rope by holding the rope over Little Riza's head and having her jump for it. The news Armstrong brought was too good for him to miss.

"Sir, it's about…my niece."

"Your niece?"

"Er….Winry. She…dismantled Edward's foot and now she can't put it back together again, Sir."

"Are we talking about the same _Winry_ here, sir?" Havoc asked. "How could she not know how to repair him?"

At that point, Riza grew impatient and kicked Havoc's shin. The rope quickly dropped.

The Major remained tightlipped about that, but continued his conversation with Roy. "Who gave her the tools? And more importantly, _why_?" The Colonel asked, pinning Armstrong with a sharp look.

"I did sir. She asked me for them and I…was captivated by her puppy-dog eyes. I could not resist." He placed a fist to his chest and bowed. "I am weak; I have failed." His random sparkles fell, as though sensing no need to shine. This of course, caught Riza's eye.

Roy nodded. "Bring her in, Armstrong."

"SHINY!" Armstrong looked down to find another little girl sifting through the pile of sparkles that lay at his feet. The four year old looked up, eyes slowly making their way to his face. She blinked up, once, twice, and then a third time.

"You look like….My mouth will not say." He saluted Roy again and then turned on his heel before striding out of the room.

"Oh, yes, finally, some help with that…Riza." Havoc muttered, rubbing his shin.

There was pause as Roy coughed to get their attention as he stood up. "I think you misunderstand 2nd Lieutenant Havoc. Men, I have another announcement to make."

""""""""""""""""""""""

A few, shell shocked moments later, Armstrong appeared escorting a crying chibi Winry.

"His foot is bwoken," Winry cried in a pitiful sob. "He can't walk anymow," she had quite a pronounced lisp, "I- I just wanted to see how his foot worked. So Teddy-sama gave me my tools and I stawted taking it apawt since Tall tall Ed was sleeping. He told me to go away, I don't think he likes me anymow."

Armstrong could not stand it, "Sir, I request permission to leave, sir. This piteous crying is just wrenching at my heart strings, sir."

"Dismissed, Major. See if you can help Edward." With a quick nod, the major once again saluted. He hugged Winry one last time, and gave her hand to Havoc. He swiftly left the office.

"Wait, wait---Sir, am I to have ,"Havoc gulped, "both of them under my charge?" His unlit cigarette was precariously balanced on his bottom lip. On one side, he was holding the hand of a very heart-broken Winry, wet tears still sat on her lashes, the index finger of the other hand in her mouth. On the other side, Riza was pulling him by the hand, telling him to "play jump rope the right way".

Roy smirked, "You might want to start turning your jump rope Lt. Havoc. I understand four year olds get bored quickly."

Havoc noticed that the two little blondes were getting along nicely softly discussing something. Maybe the two of them will keep each other company and stay out of his hair? Little did Havoc know Riza had given the softly sobbing Winry a little black water pistol. The two looked at Uncle Jean who was rummaging through his pockets, a thin, white stick balanced on his lower lip, he seemed distracted.

"Who's dat guy?" Winry whispered to Riza.

"Oh-that's Uncle Jean…. You know what? His left eye jumps up and down when he's pisperturbed. And you know what? He called me a damned harpy. And you know what? Uncle Roy said he likes to play hopscotch and jump rope, But I think Uncle Jean lied to Uncle Roy about that," Riza revealed.

"Oh—let's play jumpwope," Winry began walking slowly with Riza to Uncle Jean, but then changed her mind. Winry whispered something into Riza's ear and quickly returned to the sofa directly across from Uncle Jean. Havoc observed Riza approached him alone..

"Winry said she wants to play jump rope…_real_ jump rope."

"Why doesn't Winry tell me herself."

"Winry said she's scared of you….you might call her a damn harpy," with her message delivered, Riza skipped back to Winry. The two youngsters seemed to have another short discussion.

Riza skipped back to Havoc, "Uncle Jean…Can you get pisperturbed, Winry wants to see your left eye jump………Look, Winry! It's jumping see?" Winry ran to Uncle Jean to get a better look. Havoc's unlit cigarette fell to the floor.

"You're 'posed to be playing jumpwope, and hop scotch with us, Uncle Jean,"

Winry bravely disclosed.

"Yeah, Uncle Jean….I'm, gonna tell Uncle Roy," Riza threatened walking slowly to the Colonel's desk. After all it did work before. Just then, Winry had an idea . She picked up the unlit cigarette Havoc dropped on the floor, smiled and ran away with it.

"Hey! Gimme that!" Havoc shouted, only to be greeted in the face by a squirt of water. He tried to run after quick little Winry who was giggling as she ran around the coffee table, sofa and Havoc himself. Riza ran to join in on the fun, water pistol in hand. She too began giggling scampering wildly around Roy's office furniture, pointing her pistol expertly at Havoc who kept wiping his face and trying to block his eyes from the squirts of water coming from the toy pistols. Havoc decided to stay in one place until one of the little rug rats ran past him. "Gotcha!" he hollered grabbing both of Winry's arms by the shoulders. Lifting her up she continued to giggle showing that her little fingers did not possess his last cigarette. "Wha--?" Another stream of water hit him in the face. He felt another blast hit the backside of his formerly crisp uniform pants.

"Uncle Jean!" He heard the other girl's little voice cry out. There, standing on top of his desk, was little Riza taunting him with his last cigarette held in her fingers and a water pistol in the other, "You got the wrong girl!" she said. It was only fitting that Riza shouted that to him.

He let go of Winry who ran away still laughing, "You're slow, Uncle Jean!" Winry shot him in the shoulder this time. Riza again squirted him in the face and baited him with his cigarette.

"Why you little--!" Havoc could not finish, not only was he totally winded, he was distracted as Winry wet the back of his pants with the pistol. Riza threw the now broken cigarette to the floor. Havoc's heart sank as he caught sight of his last cigarette broken in two.

Riza continued her taunting chant, "You're too slow! We're too fast! Two little girls can kick your-!"

"RIZA! GET DOWN!" Riza jumped at the sound of the commanding voice and promptly followed the directions. She walked slowly to the couch joining a sullen Winry, head bowed sadly.

Havoc turned to see Roy standing behind his desk, one palm spread on his desktop, his other hand pointing at the floor, eyes scathingly glaring at the two four year olds.

The office was ominously quiet, as the two blond whirlwinds finally settled in on opposite ends of the couch.

"Thank you sir," Jean Havoc felt vindicated.

But this feeling was short lived as Roy explained, "I didn't do that for you…I did that for the sake of the paperwork. Those water pistols would ruin the countless hours of sweat and time we have placed on these stacks."

"Sir, I'll have you know…Those two little girls will drive you to drink…Rather heavily I might add! " Havoc wiped his wet face with the sleeve of his uniform. He glanced at the clock and saw that he had ten more minutes before his god forsaken shift was over. The Flame Alchemist did not forget that one of those the four year olds Havoc referred to was Riza Hawkeye. Feeling the need to intervene, Roy approached the two little girls.

"Girls. This is _not_ a playground, so we have to make sure we're not running around and—and—"

"And having fun?" Little Riza interjected.

"Well-yeah-something like that. That was a very, very bad thing you girls did to Uncle Jean."

"He made me jump up for the rope, Uncle Roy. Besides, playing chase is fun," Riza admitted.

"He wouldn't jump wope at all, so we had to think of anothew game," Winry confessed.

"You'll need to stop playing like that," Roy said sternly.

"Yeah—he'll be so pisperturbed his left eye might pop out of his face," Riza solemnly agreed.

"True," Roy smiled to himself, "you don't want to see that now, do you?"

The two girls looked at each other and looked back at Roy, then surprisingly nodded their heads, "yes" with a smile,

"Look, you made Uncle Roy really –upset. So you will sit here quietly, or play nice with Uncle Jean."

"Only if he plays nice with us," Riza proposed looking over at him. Roy shot Havoc a look of warning.

"Uncle Jean will play nice with you, won't you Uncle Jean?" Roy hinted.

"Sir, yes, sir," Jean snapped to a salute.

Roy went Riza's desk and threw Havoc a roll of masking tape.

"Here. Set them up for a game of hop-scotch. Use the tape to make the squares."

"Thanks Uncle Roy!" the two girls said in unison with brilliant, angelic smiles on their faces. Satisfied, Roy turned to walk back to his desk. Havoc watched the two girls whispering to one another. As they caught sight of Havoc staring, both Winry and Riza raised their pistols and flicked out their tongues.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: Poor, poor Havoc. But he deserves it. Riza sure was a hell-raiser when she was younger. She definitely calmed down by the start of the show. You also may be wondering how Roy got a hold of water pistols. The answer….A conveniently placed plot-hole? They're alchemists, dammit. They can do practically whatever they want. I admit, y'all are doing a better job of showing me the love….The warm fuzzies overtake me. If I were Armstrong, I'd be sparkling. Dead cert.

**AnimeFreaks13: **Thanks for the review! You know how children are at that age, cute no matter what. Unless they look like Chuckie. Then they're just plain freaky and weird. And scary, did I mention that?

**Crazyanimefreak15: **Do three day intervals sound good enough to you?

**Jessica:** Wellz, here's number three?

**Tofu Dragon:** Thanks for the review and encouragement! I'm glad you like it.

**D:** We tried to make it sorta cute, considering that one of the most badass characters (IMHO) is turned into a four year old. Not to mention the woman who throws wrenches like the pro pitcher we know she can be. Chibis seem to make it all better, don't they?

**Lone Metal Wolf:** I have one thing to say::whimpers pitifully: All right, Lone Metal-sama, here's your chapter::cringes, hiding head behind Kevlar vest:

**Az4ever:** I'm glad it piques your interest! Have fun waiting for the next chapter with these in mind!

**Kaeru Soyokaze:** I appreciate the review, but I think we've gone over the "pedophile" issue, both in the story and in the ANs. I think basically anyone in that anime would be cute as a chibi. Hell, I think all chibis are inherently cute. It just comes with the territory.

**Tsunade-chan:** Sorry to disappoint you, but we have no plans for Hughes to come bail them out just yet. Roy and Ed and co. must suffer a little bit more. And, uh….:hokey-pokeys:

**Tora-chan:** Here's the new chapter!

**Pichu172B:** Believe me, we wanted a chibi Fury too, but I think that that would be too much cuteness for any of us to handle with the combined effects of all three chibis. Besides, we're trying to make the story about the guys seeing a different, more vulnerable side to their partners and have them become closer because of that (even if you can't tell with the way the story's going).

**Kani00:** Good thing you read it Mini-me, otherwise I'd have to hunt you down, strap you to a chair and _make_ you read it if it killed me!

**Maylin-chan:** The site is www . fullmetal-alchemist . com. (Take out all the spaces; you know how fanficdotnet is about URLs.) Go to galleries and search for "Show and Tell" It only has Roy, Riza, Fury, Havoc, and Breda, but it's still cute. They also have a few others that have them as youngsters on the same site (though the names escape me at the moment). Be my guest and check them out! Good to see you like it!


	4. We're Only Four Years Old

The Logic of a Child

Chapter 4: We're Only Four Years Old

IMBSA: Hello, hello, here is the next installment of this heavily addicting fanfic that you just can't get enough of. Yes, I know, I'm giving myself airs again.

Disclaimer: "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."

IMBSA: Most likely how Uncle Jean felt during and after the last chapter. Oh, and I forgot to make my apologies last chapter: I do not mean to offend people who have lisps or any sort of speech problems. In fact, until relatively recently, I had one myself. I either couldn't say Rs (like Winry) or couldn't say Ls or a combination of both. I can't remember. Anyway, sorry if people were offended. It is all in jest. And we love Havoc, we really do. We just love torturing him more.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Having as much grace as a giraffe on roller skates, 2nd Lt. Jean Havoc found his last moments on shift ticking away with a (thankfully) short game of hop-scotch. He had to admit it was more difficult than it looked, throwing a coin and then hopping and balancing on one foot, picking up the coin only to hop once more. Maybe because his head was so much farther from the ground then theirs, he didn't know. It felt like some sort of sobriety test than a girlie child's game. With Havoc on his last nerve, he was so elated when his hell-session had come to an end so he could finally take a drag on his cigarettes and curse to his heart's content outside where he had the freedom to do so. Who knew baby-sitting could be so exhausting and stressful?

Taking the girls by the hand, he brought them promptly to Warrant Officer Watteau Falman. Havoc tapped the newspaper that covered the Warrant Officer's face and most of his table. The newspaper shifted and crinkled until finally a thin, white headed, angular face presented itself.

As fast as he possibly could, Falman tried to muster up a decent salute to Havoc. "Girls," Havoc began in an unusually gleeful tone, "this is your Uncle Watteau, and he will be your jump rope and hopscotch buddy this time." The two girls stared wide-eyed at Falman. "Have fun!" Havoc said quickly letting go of their fingers to get a jump on his trip outside. As far as Havoc was concerned he had a date with a cigarette (or so) with freedom calling him loud and clear. He felt as though two huge, heavy leg irons were suddenly removed from his ankles—they were known as Winry and Riza.

"What's your name again?" little Riza asked furrowing her eyebrows.

"Uncle Watteau," he responded, "Wat-teau," he said slowly pronouncing each syllable so they would understand.

"Uncle Waddle, can we finish our game of hop-scotch?" Little Riza asked.

"Sure, go right ahead," Falman said staring at his newspaper, paying no attention to the girls. Winry and Riza both immediately noticed Falman's negligent manner.

"Uncle Waddle, do you want to play hop-scotch, too?" Winry invited sweetly.

"Yeah, you can take Uncle Jean's place," Riza suggested.

"No, that's okay…You girls go ahead," Falman called back to them, still eyeing the paper.

"But it won't be any fun if you don't play, Uncle Waddle," Riza baited.

"Really?" Falman asked trying to sound interested still having his eye on his newspaper.

"Yeah, Uncle Jean wasn't a good player. He kept falling down when he had to hop on one leg," Riza disclosed.

"I know, he kept thwowing his coin past the squawes. Wiza hid it one time, it was funny to see him look for it," Winry explained. They both giggled.

"Uncle Jean is just so slow," Riza remarked and again the girls giggled.

"Well, I'll be," Falman mentioned, still silently reading an article, feigning interest.

It was suddenly and strangely quiet. No comment was being made. Falman raised his head from the article only to be met by four, inquiring eyes, staring intensely at him, almost studying him too closely.

"Uncle Waddle, why is your hair so white?" Riza asked.

"Traumatic instances with children like you," he responded still facing his paper.

"What does that mean?" Winry asked.

"Either that or it's just growing old…."he trailed off once again facing his paper.

"So are you old or is it a traumatic instance?" Riza inquired.

"Possibly both," Falman commented, engrossed in yet another article.

"Uncle Waddle, why awe you so skinny?" Winry asked. Falman had no answer that was appropriate to tell the four year old.

"Uncle Waddle, why do you have hair sticking out of your nose?" Riza observed. Falman decided this was a good question to skip, too.

"What awe you doing?" Winry asked.

"Reading." Falman answered, eyes on the text of the paper he held in his hands.

"Why?" Riza asked.

"Because I love reading," Falman responded. Still no eye contact.

"Why?" Winry asked.

"It's good for you,'" Falman explained, eyes still on the page.

"But why?" Winry questioned.

"Because you can learn from it," Falman disclosed, turning the page to continue reading the article he tried so hard to concentrate on.

"Why?" Winry interrogated.

Falman knew there would be no end to their incessant questioning. He finally put his paper down.

"Tell you what, why don't you ladies draw. Do you like drawing?" he asked, looking at the two girls for just the second time under his watch.

"Yes, I love to," Winry smiled brightly at a new activity.

"Yeah!" Riza answered excitedly.

Falman pulled out a few sheets of paper and some pencils and a fat, black crayon. The delighted girls stayed by his feet and began their works of art. '_This is perfect_,' Falman told himself. He would not be caught dead jumping rope, nor hopping on one foot like an idiot. He wouldn't even have to chase them. After a few short minutes making sure they had an ample amount of pencils (broken leads could put his plan in disarray) he placed all the supplies on the floor for their easy reach. '_You're a genius, Watteau, a sheer genius_!' With the girls totally engaged in their works of art, he returned to reading his paper.

"""""""""""

"Sir?" Falman approached Roy's desk in a salute.

"Yes, Falman?"

"We have a situation, sir,"

"Situation?"

"Yes, sir of an apparent vandalism sir."

"Vandalism?"

"Y-yes sir…But we caught the perpetrators, sir."

"Perpetrators?"

"Yes, the two had resisted apprehension and tried to shoot me sir,"

"Shoot you?"

"Yes, sir. But we were able to thwart them and confiscated their pistols."

"Pistols?"

"Yes, sir. We caught them before they were able to do anymore damage,"

"Damage?"

"Yes sir, at approximately 10 hundred hours sir, the two were in cahoots maliciously marking the floor and desks, sir. They defiantly resisted and with some difficultly we were able to restrain the two guilty parties, sir."

"Two guilty parties?"

"Yes, sir, both are blonde, one blue eyed, the other brown eyed, stand about

three feet tall,"

"What kind of pistols were these, Falman?"

"They were sleek, black---"

"Water pistols?"

"Yes sir," Falman admitted embarrassedly as he placed the weapons in Roy's outstretched hand.

Roy rolled his eyes, placed the pistols on his desk then ran his free hand through his hair. He got up and both he and Falman walked towards the Warrant Officer's desk. The two perpetrators as it were, stood guiltily, yet defiantly by Breda, who was none too happy having to keep an eye on them. It was obvious the two had been crying as sniffling noses indicated. Papers with pencil drawings were littered on the floor by Falman's desk. Then Roy saw the black crayon drawings on the front and sides of the nearby tables.

"I wasn't standing on the desk this time, Uncle Roy," Riza disclosed.

"He said we could put ouw dwawings on the desks," Winry charged.

"NO, I meant you could put the drawings you made _on_ _paper_ on the desks." Falman broke in.

"You didn't specify," Riza accused.

"We' only fow yeaws ode," Winry reminded. As if it needed to be stated again.

After a short deliberation, Roy came up with a solution. "Falman, you get a bucket, soap, three scrub brushes—"

"_Three_ scrub brushes, sir?"

"Three scrub brushes," Roy repeated, "and help the vandals clean up the drawings. I want it spotless by the time your shift is over. That means **no playing around**. After that, nap time for you two!" Roy eyed the two youngsters sternly.

"But I already took a nap, Uncle Roy!" Riza informed him, running desperately after the Colonel as he made his way back to his work.

"You're going to take another one."

"But—"

"Riza, don't you think you've caused enough trouble for _this_ hour? We all have work to do and we can't do it if we're distracted by your antics, no matter how amusing they are. You're going to take a nap, and that's that."

Riza stared up at him for a moment and then nodded. "Yes, Uncle Roy," she said, shoulders slumping as she turned away to help Winry and Falman. Somehow she didn't like disappointing Uncle Roy.

"""""""""""""""""""

For the second time that day, the door was thrown open so forcefully, it banged against the wall. Once again, Armstrong stood behind it. The girls stirred but did not awake. "Sir," He saluted and then approached the desk, eyeing the two girls sleeping on the couch with a look that practically screamed 'THE CUTENESS OVERWHELMS ME!' He continued in a whisper, "I bring good news. Edward is up and about. We have acquired a set of crutches from the nearby hospital."

"Couldn't you just go to the infirmary?" Roy asked.

Pause. "They would not have fit him, sir."

"They're adjustable, aren't they?"

Another pause. "They _still_ would not have fit him."

"Oh goody, something else to bring up the next time I see him."

"He is wondering if he could perhaps check on Miss Winry and stay the rest of the day with her."

"Maybe Breda could use the help."

"Me sir? No sir. They're out." "Uncle Heymans" answered referring to the two slumbering girls.

"It's when they get up that you need to watch out." Havoc muttered.

"2nd Lieutenant." There was a warning in Roy's voice.

"Yes sir," the smoker answered, turning immediately back to his papers.

"I don't see why not." The Flame said as he turned back to Armstrong. "In fact, I think it's a great idea. Show him in."

"Eh, no need." Ed replied as he hobbled on his new found crutches from behind Armstrong. "I'm already here."

"Which is why I said 'show' instead of 'bring'. Nice crutches, where'd you get 'em?" Roy observed.

"At the hospital."

"Pediatrics?"

"I'll have you know, it was the _older_ Pediatrics Department!"

"What do you consider 'older'? Five, six years?"

"For you, that'll be in dog years!"

"Shrimp."

"Pedophile."

"I'm not a pedophile."

"Oh, right, it's just because she's your 1st Lieutenant, that's why you're so _cozy_ with her." Their voices—all right, just Ed's—grew in volume with each exchange.

"We've already been through this."

Ed went ballistic at Roy's seemingly indifferent and annoyingly calm manner. "And I'll dish it out again! Right here, right now, _Mustang_!"

"Um," Armstrong tried to be polite, yet there was urgency in what he had to say. "I believe you have awoken the sleeping beauties." He pointed. Roy and Ed followed his finger to see Winry and Riza gazing drowsily in their direction. Suddenly, Riza's stomach grumbled.

She patted it and then looked back up at the men. "I'm hungry." She told them.

"Me toooo!" Winry chirped, stopping when she saw Ed. She smiled widely and, copying Riza's earlier action (albeit inadvertently), jumped off the back of the couch, colliding solidly with Ed's chest. "Tall, tall Ed!" She almost shrieked. Ed had let go of his crutches when he saw that the girl was in the air in order to catch her. That, of course, meant that he was only supported by his one whole foot. The force of the impact caused him to go off balance and begin to fall.

"Winry! Crutches!" Ed yelled before he fell heavily to the ground, Winry cushioned on his chest. Then Winry saw Armstrong.

"Teddy-sama!" She yelled and immediately launched herself in the air from Ed's chest towards him.

"Winry, my dear, come to your uncle!" He exclaimed, arms out for the small girl. The big alchemist caught and held her to his chest, sparkles abounding.

However contented Winry seemed to be, Riza was not. "I _said_, I'm HUNGRY!" She yelled.

"Is she always this demanding, sir?" Havoc questioned Roy, double meaning subtly placed in his words.

"You have no ide—hey!" Roy caught himself, a little too late. "Let's get them something to eat."

"I have candy bars." Fury offered, hand searching in one of his desk drawers.

"No candy, no." Roy commanded.

Riza perked up. "Candy?"

"No candy." Roy repeated. Riza sighed heavily and put on her best puppy-dog eyes for Fury. Cain struggled all of two seconds before nodding and mouthing the word 'Later' to her. Riza smiled. Another one wrapped around her fingers.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: I can't tell who's more manipulative; Roy or Riza? They're perfect together! Heh. What can I say, I'm a psychotic fangirl. Poor Ed. Poor Falman. Poor everyone, pretty much. Who said I wasn't a sadist::smiles evilly: Thanks for the good reviews, all of you! R&R!

**AnimeFreaks13:** We rather liked Chapter 3 too. But you know, Havoc was asking for it. He was mean to her first. I mean, yeah, sure, she was like, "I don't want you; give me my Uncle Roy", but, you know, she was effing scared. And he got angry at her. I could list off errors on both parties, but I'll spare you that. Oh, Ed'll be able to get around, don't worry. I could just see Winry taking his foot apart as he's snoring on the couch. Shows them what'll happen if they don't keep the four year olds occupied.

You're absolutely right. We understand, we're just got a bit spoiled (much like Riza) on some of our other fanfics where we would get around 20 reviews within two days of posting. Long ones too. But we're getting used to it. And you're right. We haven't been flamed, and we are _very_ thankful.

**Crazyanimefreak15:** We _loved_ writing Armstrong, 'cause he is just so effing awesome. RANDOM SPARKLES! Riza's reaction ("SHINY!") would have been mine as well, even though I'm waaaaaaaaay older than her.

**Az4ever:** We know the "romance" we promised is _very_ low, but you know, they're kids. Like Roy said, "…a bit freaky in a Freudian sort of way." But I understand what you mean. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but that'll be a few chapters yet. So hang on. And good to see that you liked it!

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** Hell, never underestimate a four year old _period_. And never piss of little girls. :voice drops to whisper: They have magic powers. :nod nod:

**Butterfly-grl4:** The same pairings are mine too. I love both of them (though Royai wins by a _loooooooooong_ shot)!

**BLADE ASSIN:** Oh, rest assured. We have no intention of abandoning this story in the middle of it. In fact, we're almost done writing it. Now, we just have to wait for the time to post.

**Invisible johnny:** GAH::shelters: I'm sorry about Second Chances! It's all KAHBG's fault! She hasn't mailed it to me yet! WAH! Don't hurt me::cringes: Well onto the response: As you may have gathered, it's only _slight_ romance since Roy is NOT a pedophile, and I have no inclination into making him into one. For Ed it's a bit easier to be close to Winry since they already know each other and she recognized him. It's still kinda wring for him, but not as bad as Riza and Roy while Riza is still a tender child. I'm glad you like my writing enough to read my other stuff. The warm fuzzies are enveloping me….I'm also happy that the lack of true romantic fluff 'n' stuff won't stop you from reading. Havoc is an unfortunate soul even without the girls. Poor guy, all he wants is a girlfriend. Thanks for the review and the encouragement and the compliments and—well, thanks for everything::huggles:

**Pichu172B: **Poor, poor Havoc. But you have to admit it was damn funny. :pats Havoc's head: What he suffers for humor.

**HarryPottergrl19:** Warms my heart to see you liking it!

**Tsunade-chan:** Armstrong is just…so cuddly. The reason we refer to him as Teddy-sama is that _I_ called him that when I was describing him to my mom. I said pretty much the same thing Ed said to Winry to my mom. Thus: his name. We also thought he'd be the same as Hughes for some inexplicable reason. We can't tell you who'll be their next victim; you'll just have to find out for yourself.

**Maylin-chan:** Well, yeah, it would be funny. But people are already assuming that Roy is a pedophile even when there's nothing blatant like that in the story. So, thanks, but no. It's funny, to be sure, but a bit weird. Besides, we already have pretty much the whole story already written, and it's already walking on a thin line as it is as far as plot goes. Thanks for the review!

**Don't know:** We know it's messed up. 'S why we wrote it. We love the not-so-playful banter they get into.

The warm fuzzies are growing very numerous in number in fact I'm—:gets drowned in warm fuzzies:


	5. Flowers by the Flagpole

The Logic of a Child

Chapter 5: Flowers by the Flagpole

IMBSA: Sorry that this chapter is later than it should be. We had a HUGE thunderstorm and the Internet went out and you know what that means. I couldn't send or receive e-mails, I couldn't even go on the Net, and it _sucked_. :sigh: Anyway, sorry again for the wait.

Disclaimer: "He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news."

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Roy assigned Ed, Al and Armstrong to pick something healthy up in the mess hall for the two little ones and take it back to his office. He expressly ordered them to steer clear from the salads, or anything resembling leafy greens. On the way, Ed asked Armstrong what he thought: whether they should continue with the experiment or just totally scrap it (which was impossible, considering the Fuhrer's orders.) At the mess hall, the three had trouble deciding what meal would be appropriate for the youngsters.

"How about some _greens_?" Armstrong recommended, "Chock full of nutrition. Vitamins, minerals, everything you need to get big and strong----like ME!" He whipped off his shirt and commenced flexing his arms and pecs showing off his chiseled torso, random sparkles seeming to increase in number.

Ed, leaning on one crutch and holding the other, managed to cover his eyes in disbelief, or disdain at Armstrong's seemingly insatiable need to share the view of his well developed torso.

"Did you NOT hear what Mustang said? Nothing that looks, smells, tastes, feels or sounds like a salad," Ed disparagingly shared.

"How about _fruit_ salad?" Alphonse cheerily suggested. Ed was quieted by the proposal trying to find his happy place, shaking his head in disbelief.

"A fruit salad is still a SALAD!"

"But brother, a fruit salad has fruit in it…." Al argued.

"It has the word _salad_ in it! You want Mustang to kick our asses because we disobeyed him? A salad got us into this mess, and it's not about to get us out!"

"Technically, brother it was a head of lettuce, not a salad," Al corrected.

"I don't care if it was the head of Mustang!"

"Besides, I thought you weren't afraid of him," Al challenged.

Pause. "I'M NOT AFRAID OF HIM! GIVE ME TWO FRUIT SALADS!"

If Al could have smiled, he would have.

""""""""""""""""""""

"I thought I specifically said…'no salads'." Roy was not very happy at Ed's choice of food. "Take it back."

"But—it's a _fruit_ salad!" Ed yelled in response. "It's not a _greens_ salad!"

"I don't care; it's still a salad. Take it back."

"….You should take it back."

"Excuse me?"

"You're the one who wants it back, so _you_ take it back. I mean, _I_ hobbled all the way over there and all the way back here. I'm not goin' back again."

"You didn't carry the food either. You just walked, excuse me, _hobbled_. Alphonse and Major Armstrong helped you. Now, they're not here. You take it back."

"How am I supposed to carry the trays back when I have to use crutches, genius?"

"That's not _my_ problem."

"Yeah, your problem _is_ that you're an arrogant, pompous, horse's a—"

Suddenly, a shout of "FOOD!" coupled with another one of "Stwawbewwies!" went up as two, waist-high (for Ed, at least) people collided with him, tackling him to the ground, making the trays of fruit salad fly into the air before falling to the floor with a _splat_. Ed was immediately abandoned in favor of the delicious treats on the ground.

Much like chipmunks, the two four year olds stuffed the fruit into their mouths, some of the juices running unchecked down their chins. Ed propped himself up to look at them. "Well….At least they're quiet." He tried to push himself to his feet, forgetting that his foot was no longer there. "What the—" _Crash!_ "Um….A little help here?"

Roy sighed. What else could he do? They were hungry; they needed to eat. And besides…Ed was…right. Of course, Roy would not admit it aloud. Ed's head was big enough in his opinion. Sometimes, it was bigger than Ed himself.

""""""""""""

Fury was glad that the girls were finally fed something other than candy, although Riza's promised chocolate bar was still in his drawer ready to be given out at a moment's notice. For some reason, feeding something so cute and playful made Fury think about Black Hayate---Black Hayate! Surely the kids wouldn't mind another playmate. He requested to get Riza's dog and bring him back to the office, "for the kids," Fury explained to Roy. With Fury gone, Havoc taking extended "'coffee breaks," Ed with a screwed up foot, and there was no convincing Falman for more help after the heavy duty clean up and apprehension of the "vandals," Roy turned his stern attention to "Uncle Heymans".

"Breda, weren't you watching them?" Roy asked.

"Yes sir, but I figured that Ed—Major Elric was taking care of them." Breda looked over his shoulder at where Ed, who had been helped up by Falman, was busy entertaining Winry. He noticed that the boy had a look rarely seen on the FullMetal Alchemist's face: a smile that genuinely looked happy. Even Alphonse's treat to the expression was occasional at best. Breda's attention retuned to Roy with the Colonel's next words.

"So you thought you could neglect your duties."

"N-no, sir, I just—"

"Never mind that I specifically told you that it is _your_ turn to look after the girls, you just decided that, since there was another person staying with them that relieved you of your responsibilities?" Breda felt something tug at his pants, but ignored it for fear of angering the Colonel more. "That is not what a good caretaker does." Another tug, a little more insistent. Once again, it was brushed aside. "A good caretaker stays by the side of their charge, no matter the circumstances, something that you, might I add, have not done. Even Havoc paid better attention to the girls." One more tug, and then the presence was gone. "You should take a lesson from 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye in that respect."

A confused Breda timidly asked, "So, sir, do you mean to say that you want me to scribble on the desks, throw temper tantrums, and shoot unsuspecting bystanders with water pistols?"

"No, I'm saying—" he was distracted when there was a tug at the material at his knee. Looking down, Roy saw a sad-looking Riza with part of his uniform gathered in her tiny hand.

"I'm still hungry, Uncle Roy." She piteously half-moaned, the look in her eyes painful to see on anyone, and especially on Riza. She sniffed.

"Breda. Get some food for the girls." Roy commanded after a moment of gazing at Riza's pathetic expression.

"But sir—"

"_Now_, Lieutenant Breda."

"""""""""""""""""

"C'mon girls, you'll love this!" Breda tried to build up the late lunch he bought for the two who waited anxiously for their meal. "I got you some milk and some really, delicious, scrumptious, gruel!" Breda tried in earnest to make their meal so much more appealing than it looked.

"What's that grey stuff?" Riza inquired.

"It's a really healthy meal called gruel."

"I'm allergic to gruel," Riza decided.

"No you're not," Breda argued.

"Yes I am," she retorted.

"You don't even know what gruel _is_."

"Yes I do," Riza corrected.

"Well, you might Riza, but not Winry."

"What are you doing?" Ed asked. Breda looked up as the boy made his way over to the trio, struggling slightly with his crutches..

"Trying to feed them." The red-haired man answered. "What does it look like

I'm doing?"

"I meant what are you trying to feed them?"

"It's gruel. Soldiers eat it all the time. It's a highly nutrious meal," Breda explained.

"Was that even on the menu?" Ed sarcastically asked.

Ed suspiciously picked up the dish in front of Winry, smelled it and immediately pulled back. "Is that stuff even edible? What's in it, horse meat? Sorry Mustang. Oh, wait, on second thought I take that back. It _must_ be horse meat."

"Ew!" Riza and Winry chorused.

"I don't wanna eat howse meat!" Winry cried.

Breda was placed on the spot. "You really need to eat it. You're both hungry aren't you?"

"But not for _that_." Riza wrinkled her nose in the direction of the gruel.

"At least drink the milk," Breda coaxed. He did not want his money to go to waste.

"Don't force that on them either!" Ed exclaimed as though scandalized by the mere thought of anyone being _subjected_ to drinking milk.

"Now what's wrong with milk. It's a healthy drink," Breda defended looking Ed in the eye.

"I don't care if it's the healthiest drink in the world, that stuff tastes like swill!"

"Oh—and you know what swill tastes like---sounds like the voice of experience to me," Breda accused. He was getting tired of Ed's comments about the food and drink he had bought for the two.

"Oh so you wanna get personal with me, chubby?"

"I wouldn't wanna get personal with you, small fry,"

"Who are you calling so short that the head of a pin is larger than his universe!"

"What? I didn't say anything like that!"

"You really did it this time, fat-ass!"

"You wanna take this outside, buddy?"

"Hey—I don't really care where we fight! And I'm not your buddy. All I know is that you'll get an ass kicking you'll never forget!"

"Ass-kicking? Well, bring it on!" Breda's fingers beckoning Ed.

"Gentlemen," Roy's voice stopped any further escalation of tensions. "Where are the girls?" he asked. The two combatants stopped and looked quickly around the room. No girls were to be found, but an open office door told where they had possibly gone.

"Oh shit!" Ed cursed as he, Breda, and Roy ran (or in Ed's case hobble) out the open door to search for the wayward four year olds.

"""""""""""""""""""""""

Master Sergeant Cain Fury smiled to himself as he carried Black Hayate into the office. He couldn't wait to see the look on the girls' faces. Would Black Hayate recognize Riza? It would be fun to see them interact with the roly-poly pup. But as he entered, he noticed the office was too quiet. Sensing something amiss Fury asked, "Where are the girls?" as he scratched the puppy behind the ears. The dog instinctively licked his fingers.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Falman commented sarcastically looking at yet another article in the paper," They apparently got lost."

"Where? Under whose charge? Are they ok, do you know? Where is everybody? Why aren't _you_ out there looking for them?"

"Well, somebody had to hold down the fort," Falman explained.

For the third time that day Colonel Roy Mustang's office door flew open to smack the wall loudly.

"Look what beautiful flowers I found blooming outside by the flagpole," Armstrong announced holding Winry in one arm and Riza in the other random sparkles glistening around Armstrong's head. Fury immediately put Black Hayate down to take a slightly apprehensive Riza from Armstrong.

"Teddy-sama saved us," Winry mentioned. Fury, giving Riza his promised chocolate bar, sat with her on his lap, placing the bowls of gruel on the floor for Black Hayate's reach. He gave Riza the container of milk, but she quickly shook her head and instead happily ripped open the Hershey bar.

"They were in search of the mess hall, when they saw Alphonse coming in their direction. They ran back from where they came, but in their state of panic they took the turn into the courtyard instead. Fortunately, I happened to see them and scooped them both up before they were noticed. I gave them some gumdrops to help sate their hunger, but they may need more sustenance."

"Someone needs to inform the Colonel that we found them," Fury suggested.

Just then, Havoc returned and immediately had the urge to walk back out; seeing the two girls gave Havoc the craving for another cigarette. "Have you seen the Colonel, sir?" Fury asked.

" No, but if you'd like for me to fetch him, I'd be more than happy to---anything is better than subjecting myself to more hopscotch and chase games," and with that he was gone.

Approximately, half an hour passed, and the girls were engaged with Black Hayate, under Fury's watchful eye. The office door slowly opened; Roy was the first to enter, head sullenly faced down, asking himself, "Where could they…be," he trailed off as he saw the two girls playing with Black Hayate.

"Sir?" Fury questioned seeing the slightly angered, yet relieved look upon the Colonel's face. Roy wanted to run to Riza; after all, he had spent so much time searching for her, but he dismissed that thought and deliberately placed himself in commanding officer mode, something he often had to do when dealing with his soldiers. And no matter how old she looked or whatever angle he viewed, the Riza in his office was still his subordinate.

Then she saw him.

Riza smiled and ran to him; her arms were outstretched and she attached herself to his boot, as she often seemed to be doing in her regressed state. Roy looked down and everything, his promise to himself not to be so physically close to her, especially with her age, seemed empty and cold. He couldn't help it. Reaching down, the Colonel lifted her up and into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. His eyes were scrunched closed as he put his forehead to her shoulder. He came so close to losing her; he did not want it to happen again.

Ed hobbled in, scathing, slightly psychotic look in his eye as he pushed through the doorway, not wanting to be anywhere near Breda. He was slightly apprehensive of what he would do to the barrel-chested red-head. He felt responsible for losing the girl that so much reminded him of Nina. It was like having to relive the tragedy. And that wasn't the end of it. For all that Winry did (i.e. annoy or insult him or dismantle his foot), she still had a very special place in his heart. Maybe that was why Ed almost lost his footing when he saw Winry playing with Black Hayate. Struggling to hobble faster, Ed exclaimed, "Winry!" Relief flooded his voice.

The little girl turned to see him. "Tall tall Ed!" She squealed, running to him and wrapping her arms around his leg, making him, once again, fall to the floor. Yet Ed didn't seem to mind. In fact, he returned her embrace, not even trusting himself to speak.

The reunion seemed to bring Roy to his senses. He smiled, ever so slightly at Riza, and then placed her back on the ground. She ran directly to the black and white pup who was her "new" friend. Suddenly, she stopped.

"There's something wrong with Black Hayate." Everyone turned to look towards the sound of Riza's worried voice. She was staring at Black Hayate with her hands covering her mouth in horror. The dog's head began to lurch forward in a rhythmic motion, as though it were trying to force something out of its mouth. His back arched, one last time before a glob of residual gruel came pouring from the poor canine's mouth. "Oh no! I told you that gruel was nasty!" Her eyes were once again full of tears as she ran to hug Black Hayate around the middle. "Black Hayate's gonna die!" She wailed, not responding to Fury's attempts to calm her down.

"Wait, how did he get gruel? Was it the gruel on the table?" Breda asked, the last to enter the room, but in time to see the unfortunate spectacle. "Who fed him gruel?"

Winry gave Fury a glance before innocently replying, "I don't know…." in an annoying sing-song voice.

Breda gave her a glare, as if knowing she was lying.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: Poor, poor Black Hayate. And we tried to put some non-obvious Royai and EdWin in there for you people. R&R!

**Camille: **We try to make them that way in spite of Riza's brattiness.

**DarkHeartKeyblade:** Well, go ahead, if you want her to scream and yell for "Uncle Roy" and then risk getting your head shot off if/when she returns to her normal state. But sure. 'S your funeral. I still want to adopt Emily too...

**Az4ever:** It's more like she was disappointed in herself. To be sure, she was sad, but we just thought that even at that age she wouldn't be _womanly_ emotional. Too much, anyway. If it had been me, I would've probably cried.

**Heart of Flame:** Did you? I'm not sure. I doubt it, otherwise I would have responded. If you did and I was just really tired, then might not have noticed your review, in which case I apologize heartily. I like to promptly respond to my reviewers. But I'm looking over the reviews in my Inbox, and I can't find any earlier one by you. Oh well. You reviewed now. I'm not gonna carry a grudge like that to my death or anything. Yeah, we meant to make her a strong-willed child, 'cause really, she's gotta have strength to put up with Roy, to protect him as she does, though it's very muted in the series. You kind of have to think on it a bit. Believe me, I know the feeling about not wanting children. But it seems to go away and come back every so often. But I think that it's worth it.

**Camryn:** Doesn't she seem a little too mature for her age even as an adult? She's what, late 20s, early 30s? And she barely seems to have a youthful personality to suit her youthful age. She has the enormous pressure of protecting Roy as well as the others, so she seems to have to be the parent of the lot. Because of this, I imagined Riza as a take-charge, precocious young girl different from her peers in that she was a bit more intelligent than they were. That's the way she is in adulthood. Why should it be any different in her childhood? And she doesn't understand what "traumatic instance" means; she's just repeating it. It's the same thing about the "pisperturbed" joke. She didn't know what he meant, but she made her own assumptions about the word. And if it seems like I'm lecturing you, I'm sorry. My mom tells me that I was one of those 4-year-olds—not necessarily a brat, mind you, but in the sense that I used long-ass words, whether or not they were in the right context. See, we do exist!

**The Celestial Tiger:** :gasps: Hold on::runs out of room and returns with a collection of stuffed plushie FullMetal Alchemist dolls, all holding 'Get Well Soon' cards. Hands them to The Celestial Tiger: Here's to a speedy recovery! I hope everything went well. I'm glad it was able to make your day! Have fun with your new plushies!

**Kyia Star:** You're just gonna hafta wait and find out, aren'tcha?

**Maylin-chan:** Riza is, but if you read my response to Camryn, there's a reason I made her that way. I think she's fine if you don't cross her and if you stay involved with her. She wouldn't be such a nightmare if _Roy_ were baby-sitting her or if she were the center of attention, which is typical for a four-year-old. I speak from experience. Winry would have to be on Ritalin, wouldn't she::sighs: ADD, ADD.

**Pichu172B:** Well, that's Falman's problem. Serves him right. Maybe next time he'll pay attention and not be so engrossed in his paper. Thanks. We thought it was funny too.

**Chibijac:** We just liked the image of Ed staggering around on crutches while missing a foot. Wires hanging down and everything. Breda has his turn in this chapter. We loved Havoc's shift too. It was fun to write.

**Tsunade-chan:** My mom and I were talking about our reactions if we were part of Mustang's group. I said that, no matter what age, I would scream, "Teddy-sama!" and myself to Armstrong's leg whenever I saw him, which would probably get inconvenient since one usually needs one's legs to walk. Haven't they always been each other's weakness? Hughes is mine too. He and I are so much alike: maniacally obsessed with certain things, the joking one, the dorky but oh-so-lovable member of the group. It's just funny.

**C.A.M.E.O. 1 and Only:** No, I didn't realize that. But I kinda meant…_little_ girls, like Samara, from "The Ring" (I don't care what anybody said, that thing scared me _pantless_), and that other little girl from "Dark Water". And Chuckie, who isn't a girl, but reminds me of one anyway. I've had my share of freaky stuff, and I'm a girl too. So, I guess we're all freaks together? Where do you live, so I can dispose of these little Roy-haters. J/K. As you can tell, I'm obsessed with Roy. We're planning on a _smidgeon_ of fluff at the end, nothing too serious. And we tried the latter part of that request without actually going through and _stating _that. I would think by now it's obvious that they're all in love, but hey, with some things I need to be hit over the head with a brick in order to get it, but, whatever.

**Runa:** Thanks. I find that I love it when he's around too because writing his reactions is just so fun. We're not planning on doing a sequel like that, but that _would_ be funny. You're welcome for the treat. We're just good like that.

**Darkone & angelneko:** Thanks for the review!

**Scathach:** Thank you also for the review! Well, my mom is a teacher and she's taught almost every grade in Elementary school. Plus she was in a family of 10 kids, _and_ she had to take care of me. Also, I baby-sit a couple of foru-year-olds (or five).

**invisible johnny: **No problem! I deserve them::blushes: Wow, thanks! We figured that Armstrong would be that way with any kid, never mind Riza and Winry. We had fun writing him too. They make your world go 'round::blushes again: W-wow….

**Fireblazie:** Thanks for the review! Personally, I think Roy'd get his head shot off if Riza (real Riza, not Little Riza) woke up at his place without an explanation. While this would be extremely funny, we'd have to deal with the fact that Roy would be dead. Oh the sacrifices for humor.

**Candidus-lupus-full Moon:** Good to see you're enjoying! Believe me, you'll know when it's over.

**aNiMe-AzN-aNgEl:** We enjoyed writing all those characters' parts, and it's good to see fans enjoying them too.


	6. Corporal Punishment

The Logic of a Child

Chapter 6: Corporal Punishment

By: IMBSA

IMBSA: Once again, stupid thunderstorms have ravaged my computer….Which is why this update wasn't on time….It's like clock work, I tell you! One day of glorious Internet, three hellish ones without. Broadband my ass.

Disclaimer: "Misery doesn't love company….Nowadays, it insists on it."

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

"Ow!" Breda rubbed his cheek, wondering just _who_ had given the girls rubber bands and paperclips. He suspected Fury, judging by the way the bespectacled man kept glaring at him and was clutching Black Hayate protectively. With that observation came the resurrection of the suspicion that it was Fury himself who had accidentally fed the dog the gruel. Breda snorted barely audible. The glob of vomit (that Breda had to cleanup) was solely the young Sergeant's fault. "OW!" This time, Breda rubbed the back of his neck, glaring daggers at the two giggling girls hiding behind a corner of "Uncle Fury"'s desk. Most of Winry's shots missed (though she had got him good once in the nose), but Riza….She was one to watch. Almost ten times in a row, she had managed to land hits that, if she were using bullets, would have been instant kill shots. He supposed that he should have expected that from her. After all, she _was_ the Lieutenant, albeit a young, loud, immature, hell-raising, four year old version of her.

Breda glowered. If just _one_ more projectile even came _close_ to him…someone was going to get hurt.

_Thwack!_

"ARGH! THAT'S IT, YOU LITTLE SHITS!" He yelled, quickly grabbing the two assailants' wrists and dragging the two youngsters quite literally kicking and screaming into the air and walking to Roy's desk as they struggled to get out of his grasp.

"No!" Riza whined, squirming.

"We didn't do anyting!" Winry concurred, also trying to wiggle from his hand.

"Didn't do anything, my…foot…." Breda retorted, not willing to say another curse word and get in even more trouble.

"We didn't, we didn't!" Winry chanted tearfully.

"At least we didn't try to poison the dog!" Riza accused.

"No, that was Fury's fault." Breda answered.

"So, you tried to poison _us_! Uncle Roo—"

"Shuddup!" Breda cut her off, hissing. By then, they were at Roy's desk. The Colonel looked up, eyebrows raised. "Sir, permission to spank!" Breda knew that his face was covered in red marks from the girls' attacks and figured that even Roy would be able to draw the right conclusion.

Roy's eyebrows went further up. "Permission _denied_." He told Breda in a voice that said "What a stupid question; how could you _think_ to ask me that?"

"But, _sir_, they _need_ to be disciplined!" Breda cast around for a different punishment. Kinda. "Permission to _paddle_, then!"

Pause. "Permission _denied_! We can't do that. And I'm not their legal guardian, so I can't authorize it anyway. That's corporal punishment."

Breda scratched his head, suddenly and thoroughly confused. "We don't have any Corporals around here."

Roy sighed disbelieving Breda's stupidity. "Breda, just get back to your work; Fury, take over for him."

Cain looked at him. "But sir, it's your—" He was stopped by the look Roy gave him. "Yes, sir."

""""""""""""""""""""

The rest of the day passed without incident, meaning Riza and Winry were still four years old. How long would this condition last? All day and all night? Roy didn't think his office of men could handle another day with the two blondes. He even wondered about the tension this was causing _him_. How long would _he_ last? It worried him to think that this condition could go on any longer. What if they didn't change back? He didn't even want to entertain those thoughts. Everyone except Roy, Ed, and the two girls had left, leaving the four alone in his office. Luckily enough, Roy had actually finished all of his paperwork so he could pay attention to the girls. _Un_fortunately, this meant that he and Ed had no excuse not to play any game they came up with.

"Tea party! " Riza enthusiastically suggested. Both Ed and Roy shuddered at the thought of this game, eyes widened in terror.

"Yeah, that'll be fun!" Winry agreed. Both girls reveled at the idea and began planning where to hold the gathering as they slowly sketched out their vision surveying the room. Roy thought it was some internal gift that all females were given at birth, this knack for planning parties. He begrudgingly thought of the idea and was thankful that his men were not there to see what embarrassment the girls subjected on him. All of a sudden they seemed too silent. The mayhem the two caused after their quiet discussions together was a huge red flag that Roy now realized he must watch or listen for. He had wistfully hoped that he would not get roped into playing with them. But history painted a different picture: nonparticipation on his part, meant instilling certain chaos on theirs. They were perfectly capable of generating that. He looked up at them and felt the intense gaze of a burning question.

"Can you play with us, Uncle Roy?" Riza asked. Those eyes again. So penetratingly beautiful, yet held an innocence that was so difficult to surmise. "Please?" she continued, biting her bottom lip, in a hopeful, yet apprehensive expression. It must have been the same one Armstrong saw on Winry when she asked for the tools.

Abandoning his need to stay in charge, Roy grinned and said, "Sure, of course I will."

"You too, Tall, tall Ed, you can be the baby!" Winry suggested with a smile.

Ed's shoulders sank in masked fury.

"Why do I have to be the baby?" Ed asked, trying hard to control his temper.

"Well, because you can't walk yet, silly," Riza explained. Ed was just glad they didn't say anything about height.

"Okay, so if I'm the baby, who are you?" Ed asked Winry, who paused in thought.

She said. "I guess I'll be the sistew…And-and Wiza will be the mommy," she appeared finished with all the role playing assignments, save for one

"That means Uncle Roy will be the daddy," Riza piped in.

"Do I have to be his _son_?" Ed asked, again having some difficulty in withholding his need to vent. Roy wasn't sure if he wanted Ed playing the role of his son, either. Scary---scary thought. But he did relinquish control to the two four year olds.

"Can't I be like a neighbor or something?" Ed strongly suggested. The girls thought for a moment and then shook their heads decisively.

"No," Winry replied.

"We want it to be one family." Winry went to the other desks and collected any coffee cups she could find. Riza found a cup on Uncle Roy's desk, and on the desk close to his. Winry came back with a coffee cup and what looked like a high ball liquor glass. They continued to search for various items that could be used in their play.

"I found a cup!" Winry said running excitedly to the coffee table where their gathering was held. She handed Roy the short glass. "This was on Uncle Jean's desk!" She reported. He raised a brow after noticing the tell-tell signs of bourbon emanating the glass.

As it were the four of them were seated around the coffee table. Riza pretended to pour tea in the cups and then stopped herself when she got around to Ed's cup.

"Oops!" she made a devastating realization," I can't give you tea. You're a baby," she commented.

"Why can't I drink tea?" Ed asked, feeling a little ostracized.

"Because...babies don't dwink tea, babies dwink milk," Winry stated emphatically. Roy could not resist.

"Yeah, and I want my son to grow up to be _big_ and strong," Roy jibed,

unbeknownst to the girls. Riza took the mug away and placed a small paper cup as a representation of Ed's bottle of milk. Ed's shoulders once again slumped down along with his attitude.

"There you go, baby….Here's your bottle," Riza said nurturingly.

"Why can't I be the kind of baby that drinks tea? Tea tastes a whole lot better than nasty old milk!" Ed argued, getting a little more tense.

"No, you're a baby. Babies drink milk," Riza said getting a little annoyed.

"I want to drink some tea!" Ed's voice raised, as did his fists that he banged on the table.

"You can't. You're too small to drink tea" Roy explained with a smirk.

"Who are you calling so small he could be used as bait for minnows?" Ed screamed in a tirade. There was silence. The girls just stared at Ed.

"I never said anything like that," Roy remarked calmly.

"He's being a bad baby!" Riza said in displeasure.

"You're right. Go your room, Ed," Roy commanded. Ed looked at him incredulously. "Oops! Sorry, you're a baby and you don't have a room. Go to your cradle….Oops! Check that again, you're a baby and you can't walk yet," Roy commented, preparing to see the rise of anger this caused Ed.

"Look horse daddy, if I'm a baby, wouldn't be able to—"

"Reach the cradle either, that's right!" Roy cut in as if having an epiphany. Ed's eye began to twitch.

"I'm outta here!" Ed ranted.

"Stop fighting!" Winry whined.

They were cut off when, for the fourth time that day, the door was flung open with such force that it bounced off the wall. However, it was not Armstrong standing behind the wood; it was a beaming and smiling (maniacally so) Lt. Col. Maes Hughes.

"Didya miss me? Tell me you missed me." He asked, striding into the room. "I was documenting my beautiful daughter's first flu. But even a red nose and flushed cheeks did nothing to hinder her photogenic qualities!"

"Maes!" Roy said, relief apparent in his voice. "Thank God, you're here."

Maes froze. "Why?" He asked mock-scaredly. His eyes took in the group and began to glow with the warmth only a father's face could. "Well, who do we have here?" He crouched on one knee, trying to get to the girls' eyelevel.

"My mommy and daddy said never to talk to strangers," Riza gave him the well-practiced line.

Maes acted shocked. "You don't know who _I_ am?" The girls shook their heads. "I'm Mister Hughes."

"Is that true Uncle Roy?" Riza asked, turning to look at the Colonel.

"Yes." Roy answered, glaring at Maes's stifled laughter as he mouthed '_Uncle Roy_?' and held his stomach in a mock belly laugh.

"So let me see…." Maes began. "What's—" He stopped as something in his mind clicked. This time, he really did belly-laugh. "Oh no, no, don't tell me that….Oh god, this is good. This is really good. Where's my camera, why don't I have my camera? You have to tell me this one! What happened to the Lieutenant and…Winry! Level with me…._Uncle Roy_!"

"I'll tell you another time." Roy answered through gritted teeth.

"Do you want to play too, Mister Huge?" Riza asked innocently.

Maes raised his eyebrows slightly. "Didya hear that Roy, she called me Mister Huge." He could not help but tease the Colonel when he was in such a predicament. Roy thought silently, '_Bet that was the only time you were ever called Mr. Huge_.' Maes turned to Riza. "It's 'Hu_ghes'_, honey, Hughes."

Riza bit her lip. "Mr. Hughess?"

"Close enough. But of course I want to play…tea party! My girl _loves_ to play tea party!" Roy winced slightly in anticipation of the world-famous question. "Would you like to see some pictures?"

"No, we just wanna play tea pawty wight now." Winry answered. Maes looked a little dejected as he slipped the photos back into his pocket.

"Allrighty then." He folded his long legs up as he sat beside Ed (who was alternating between quietly sulking on the couch and laughing at Maes's crafty remarks). "So who should I be?"

"Well, I'm the mommy and he's the daddy—" Riza paused as Maes gave Roy a sly look.

"I'm sure he is," the Lt. Colonel commented, light reflecting off his glasses, which must have shielded him from the glare his friend tossed his way.

"I'm the sistew." Winry took up the introductions. She glowered at Ed momentarily. "He was supposed to be the baby, but he quit."

"Quit!" Maes sounded scandalized.

"He was being a bad baby." Riza confided.

"He was whining too much, wasn't he?" Maes asked in a knowing manner.

"Hey…." Ed began, but could not finish.

"Yeah, he wouldn't dwink his milk." Winry nodded solemnly.

"So I guess that means you're the new baby." Riza proclaimed.

Maes could not resist another jibe. "A bit freaky being your son, Roy, but I guess you guys gotta start somewhere." Roy rolled his eyes. He didn't know who was worse playing his son: Ed, or Maes.

"""""""""""""""""""

As Riza "poured" out the "tea", she began singing the words to "I'm a Little Tea Pot". She was quickly joined by Winry and Maes (who was soon shushed under the excuse that babies couldn't sing yet). He apologized but continued to hum along, swaying from side to side. Then he noticed Roy's obvious silence.

"Come on, _daddy_, sing!" Maes said, almost laughing at the alarmed look on the Colonel's face.

"Yeah!" The two girls chirped. Roy's eyes narrowed and he slipped his glove on his right hand.

"Winry, how would you like being an only child?" He asked, murderous glint in his eye.

"What Uncle Woy?" The girl asked, confused.

Roy sighed. "Never mind."

"Sing with us, Uncle Roy," Riza invited. Roy stared back at her through wide-eyes. "Pleeeeeeease?" Those eyes again….

Roy didn't want to let her down. Softly he began in a reluctant baritone. "I'm…a little tea pot…short…and stout….Here is my handle….Here is my spout…." Then his solo was over to Ed's obvious dismay. That still didn't mean that FullMetal stopped laughing though. "Shut up, Ed. You know this song's about you."

_That_ made him stop as he thought about the words. "Hey! I'm not stout!"

"But you sure are short." Maes interjected.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE USES A CENTIPEDE FOR MASS TRANSPORTATION!" He yelled.

"He's still being a bad baby," Riza remarked, sighing and shaking her head in a manner so like the older version of herself.

"You know, girls, there _is_ a little dance that goes to that song." Maes gave Roy a pointed look.

The Colonel responded with a pointed index finger and the words, "You're pushing it, Maes."

"Hey, Ed, could you be a good neighbor and entertain the ladies while I have a father and son talk with daddy?" Maes asked, to change the subject.

"Yeah, go 'head." The teenager replied with flippant wave of his hand. Maes grabbed Roy's arm and pulled him away from the girls.

"What happened to them?" He asked the moment they were out of earshot.

"Not much to tell. Full Metal and I were experimenting with age regression alchemy using plants and it somehow got into their systems. When we found them…." He waved a hand at the two girls. "Well….We're not sure how long it lasts, we're hoping only for a night, since that's what happened to the head of lettuce, but we're not sure exactly."

"Hm. And you're still here with them because…?"

"We were hoping they would have recovered by now."

"So where are they going to stay tonight…? Don't tell me—"

"Don't even go there, that's out of the question. You bring it up and I'm going to hurt you."

"What?" Maes asked mock-innocently. "I was just gonna _say_ they could have a sleep over at my place."

"NO WAY!" Ed yelled, as he had been eavesdropping on the conversation.

"You're welcome to join them Ed. The more the merrier."

Ed thought about the home movies and scrapbooks Maes probably had and would most assuredly force him to watch. "Never mind." The thought of Maes's gushing commentary was enough to give him shivers.

"Take them." Roy decided. "_Please_."

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: EHEHEHEHEHEHEH! You know Maes ownz your ass::giggles maniacally: I can't help it, tonight's the night they're showing eppy 25 and…I'm getting teary just thinking about it….:sniff, sniff: Sorry folks who wanted Riza to stay at Roy's house. She can stay over there as long and as much as she wants when she's normal, not when she's four years old. Well, R&R!

**Crazyanimefreak15:** It just didn't occur to him that he could do it. Besides, it's funny, isn't it? All for the sake of humor, eh?

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** So, would you prefer your brothers Medium, Medium Rare, or Well Done? How about extra crispy, I can do extra crispy. I figured out that EdWin thing a little later as I was writing it in the beginning of one of the chapters. But it's funny, isn't it? I was going to name my first son Hector Nathanael (after the greatest prince of Troy and the US Continental Army's Major General Nathanael Greene, respectively) but Edwin sounds interesting….I don't necessarily believe that Roy does, but I'm inclined to believe that there's a good chance that he may. Then again, boys talk, so he might just be exaggerating. I don't have an opinion either way. I've been exposed to an FMA fandom where he _does_ sleep around, so I've gotten used to thinking in terms of that, and that has sort of influenced my outlook on him. However, he seems a bit too noble for that. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking.

**Butterfly-grl4:** To quote Winry, "I don't know…." Besides, I would never do anything that could potentially get my precious Fury killed!

**Winry the Alchemist:** Good to see you enjoying it! At least you only _almost_ broke out instead of really doing it. Just goes to show you. Once, I was cosplaying as Wendy Earhart from "Read of Die" and I kept stumbling over everything and generally being more klutzy than usual. And that scared me 'cause Wendy's the biggest klutz in, like, _ever_.

**DarkFairyWarrior:** Thanks for the review. If you notice, it's poor everyone at one point or another.

**Runa:** I loved this one too.

**Heart of Flame:** It's gruel! What the hell do they expect!

**Kyia Star: **The mistakes everyone makes would be a _very_ long list. Well, Riza's a child and allowances must be made….

**Tsunade-chan:** Hugheses around the world UNITE! Teddy-sama….Woo! Lovableness!

**aNiMe-AzN-aNgEl:** We'll try. It won't anything blatant, they'll keep their hands to themselves (and, really, any other part of the body), so don't get your hopes up. It'll probably continue in this (slightly) innocent tone. And don't worry. You'll find out soon enough how the girls react the next day.

**Lone Metal Alchemist/Full Metal Wolf:** :blink blink: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH::runs away screaming. Suddenly stops and peers at LMA's profile. Gasp: You like Lacuna Coil and The Rasmus too? AH! I love you! What about Nightwish? Where is the Nightwish? Oh, we'll probably have one more chapter, and that'll be the end. I'm not exactly sure yet.

**Candidus-lupus-full Moon:** Thanks for the review!

**Invisible johnny:** Hey, every body loves a good Royai and EdWin moment, right? That's our attempt at one. .

**Mikari-chan:** Glad you like it!

**The Celestial Tiger:** No problem! My readers mean a lot to me, and even more so my reviewers. I'm glad the chapter was cute. We didn't know exactly _how_ to describe the chapter, but I'll take that. Little kids do have that effect….Well, most of them do anyway. Some of 'em ya just wanna kick 'em in the…I mean, uh, _hug_ them, yeah.

**WWJDxLGLP:** I am?

**Apparition7:** Armstrong is just too cuddly for his own good, isn't he? Tucker and Hiei had the same voice actor? When was this? Why wasn't I informed of it? OMG, that's effing weird! I love Hiei, why'd he have to play a bastard like Shou? That's freaky….

**Presea Combatir:** Thanks for the compliments. If you notice, a LOT of four-year-olds are like that, and I do mean a LOT! Oh don't worry, they won't be chibis forever. Oh, the thunder storms ain't the end of it. We got a friggin' TROPICAL STORM coming our way. It's just gonna suck when we don't have ANYthing. About the movies….I said they scared me pantless….They're the reason I jump at my own shadow nowadays! I don't like them _that_ much, but they're OK.


	7. The Tribute

Logic of a Child

Chapter 7: The Tribute

IMBSA: Well….I survived episode 25….:sniff: Barely, but I'm hanging on….My therapists' numbers are on speed dial, so that's OK. But the reason why I'm telling you this is to say that this chapter may have a slightly different feel to it than the others because we wanted this to be a sort of tribute to Maes. Hopefully we'll be able to honor his memory in a way befitting such a noble character.

Disclaimer: "Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated."—Alphonse de Lamartine

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

"Graciiia! Elysiiiia! Girls! I have surprise for you," Maes musically bellowed as he entered the doorway holding the hands of the two four year olds.

The two timidly entered the house as Maes gently ushered them inside and closed the door behind him.

"We're in the bathroom, daddy!" Elysia's voice rang out. Maes immediately knew that meant that Gracia was giving his sweet pea a bubble bath.

"We'll be out in a second, honey!" Gracia hollered back sweetly. Maes turned to the two four year olds,

"You two will be in for a treat tonight! We're gonna have a sleepover!" Maes announced.

"Mr. Hughess, what's a sleepover?" Riza asked scratching her head. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Hmmm…That's a good question, little Riza, Let me see…How about an all night party!" Maes stated with a smile.

"But why is it called a sleepovew?" Winry queried.

"Well it's called a sleep over because you get to over sleep the next day!" he noticed the two still didn't understand, "C'mon you'll see…it'll be so-o much fun you'll never want to leave!" Maes took the two girls by the hand and strolled to Elysia's bedroom. The room was decorated in pastels and had every toy a youngster could imagine. The girls stood in amazement as their wide eyes scanned the room from top to bottom.

"Wow!" Riza and Winry chorused, eyes still wide in awe.

"Go ahead, go play. My daughter won't mind. She'll be here in a few minutes." Maes told them. Despite his invitation, the girls somehow seemed to have a reverence for the things of a fellow four-year-old when all they had been surrounded by were grown bachelors who (for the most part) could make neither heads nor tails of this "parenting" thing. Before long, a slightly red-nosed and clean Elysia walked in, led by her delicate-looking mother.

"Hello sweetheart, good to see you," Gracia murmured, as she and her husband shared a brief yet sweet kiss.

"Daddy, daddy!" Elysia pulled his pant leg. Maes bent down and picked her up, holding her towards the Heavens with an enormous grin on his face.

"How's my beautiful princess? Feeling better?" He asked. She giggled and nodded. "Well, guess what, I have a surprise for you."

"What is it Daddy?" Elysia questioned quizzically.

"More like, _who_ is it?" Maes answered. "I brought some friends for you to play with!" He turned her to look at the girls as they stood, transfixed by the newcomer, "Elysia sweetheart, this is Winry and this is Riza. They'll be staying with us tonight for a sleepover, isn't that great?" Maes enthusiastically stated, once again kneeling so he was at eye level with the girls. It wasn't long before dolls and teddy bears came down from shelves and bedspreads. As the girls played, with Maes and Gracia watching, the overzealous Lt. Col. began busting out his camera, snapping photos at every possible moment. Gracia saw her husband's actions and sighed.

"Oh, honey, Roy wouldn't like that." She informed him gently. Maes paused momentarily to respond.

"I know he said no pictures…." He admitted dolefully. "But this is just too cute to miss!" And with that, he returned to taking pictures. Gracia smiled and shook her head.

After a while, the three girls got it into their heads that they would make the most stunning trio of beauticians the world had ever seen. They began small, with the manes of some of the stuffed horses Elysia had, but soon gravitated to the hair of the dolls. Granted some dolls had combs that remained entangled and stayed there, but for the most part, the trio was satisfied with their performance. Every toy that had some semblance of hair did not go without a new coiffure or accessory. Knots of "ribbons" were added to top off their creations. As Maes excitedly took his pictures, Elysia could not help but watch her daddy crouch and click away.

"Daddy, could you play with us?" Elysia asked.

"Yeah, you could be our next customer," Riza chimed in.

"Okay, that sounds like fun…." Maes smiled at the honor of even being invited to play with them. He stood up to give Gracia the camera and couched down with the girls. Winry pretended to take his name.

"Mr. Hughes—H-U-G-H-E-S," he spelled out confidently, taking his role as a customer quite seriously. Winry pretended to write his name down.

"What awe you hew fow Mistew Hughes? A cut and style? Or---?" Winry asked, not sure what word should fit in and turned to Riza.

"I think it's called a makeover," Riza called out, restyling the hair of a red headed doll.

"I think I'll have the make over…" Maes said ensuring that all three girls somehow had a part in his play. He did not want to leave anyone out. Elysia took one of her towels and draped it around her dad's shoulders as Maes sat on the floor and leaned against the bed.

"Sit still Mr. Hughes," Elysia instructed as she pretended to cut his hair with a scissors she made with her index and middle finger. Her dad's spiky hair was styled with the likes of baby combs, brushes and water. He watched his daughter in the full length mirror on the wall by them and smiled as he observed how much care his Elysia put into his "haircut".

"All done," Elysia announced. She pretended to wash her scissors, while Riza scanned the room for more implements. Elysia left the room momentarily calling out to her mom. Riza and Winry decided that Mr. Hughes needed to update his look. Taking some elastic bands and little plastic alligator clips, they gently pinched tiny tufts of his hair and as best as a four year old could, wrapped the bands or clips around each matted tuft. He had about ten tufts of short, mini pony tails covering the top of his head. The two grinned in satisfaction.

"Please lean back," Riza requested. Maes leaned his head back on Elysia's bed, as Riza pretended to "shave" Maes face with a blunt toy spatula from Elysia's kitchen toys and some water. Mr. Hughes was very quiet. Winry was picking up the elastic bands that had accidentally flew off their little fingers.

Riza stepped up on her tiptoes to get a better view of Maes' face. His eyes were closed underneath the glint of his glasses. Elysia ran back into the room with a small bottle clutched in one hand and a small bag in the other. Both Winry and Riza quickly put a finger to their lips. "Your daddy's sleeping," Riza disclosed. She then inspected the things Elysia brought in. "Where's your mommy?" she asked. A bottle of nail polish and a make up bag were in her possession.

"In the bathroom," Elysia answered in a whisper and smiled slyly. She stuck her tongue out of her mouth in deep concentration as she twisted the nail polish bottle open.

Winry cooed as she unzipped the make up bag, "Ooh, pwetty lipstick!"

"""""""""""""""""

Gracia walked out of the bathroom in her robe, squeezing her wet hair with a towel. Elysia's room was too quiet, so she tip-toed silently to the bedroom doorway to investigate. There was Maes, leaning against the bed, Elysia on his chest and Riza and Winry on either side of him. All were sound asleep. Gracia grabbed the camera and quickly clicked two photos of Maes and the girls, then stealthily walked away with a grin.

Maes suddenly opened his eyes. He caught sight of the ceiling, picked up his head and looked down to see Elysia lying on his chest in deep slumber. To the right of him upon the huge pink, purple and white rug with a unicorn that he sat upon, lay Winry and to the left of him lay Riza. He smiled being surrounded by a trio of four year olds who moments ago were giving him a beauty make-over. Maes slowly stood up carefully carrying Elysia, turned down the covers of the bed, placed her on it, planted a kiss on the top of his daughter's head, and pulled the covers over her. He then unrolled two mattress pallets, covered them with linens, and placed Winry on one and Riza on the other also covering them both up with blankets. Maes Hughes sighed._ I could get used to this_, he thought with a smile. Then he noted that both Winry and Riza were _still_ four year olds. He stood with his hands on his hips, pondering this serious notion. Maes turned and saw his reflection in the full length mirror. It seemed to take all the control he had to contain his laughter, so he wouldn't awaken the slumbering four year olds. There he stood, clad in Amestris finest army uniform, sporting a head filled with ten little pony tails sticking out of his head like porcupine quills, randomly placed ribbons on a few of them. Bubble gum pink nail polish decorated the tips of his fingers and his nails. He noted a more mauve hue on his mouth, as though he had eaten the lipstick rather than it being used to color just his lips. As he stood there smiling to himself at the image in the mirror, he caught a glimpse of Gracia in the doorway, spying on him. He turned to meet her.

"So whaddaya think?" he whispered in her ear, holding out his arms that he placed around her waist as she walked in front of him, facing the mirror as well so they could both take in his image. She grinned sweetly holding Maes' cheek with one hand wagging her head. "It's hard to improve on perfection, I know," he poked fun in a low voice, still gazing at himself in the mirror.

"You _are_ amazing!" she whispered back to him, turning to Maes and looking deeply into his hazel eyes. They were caught in the moment as he gently planted a soulful kiss on her parted lips. After a second, they both wore mauve on their mouths and chins.

Gracia cupped her hand to her face and let out laugh, yet being careful not to wake the girls. The lipstick was all over Maes. She wiped the mauve mess off with her towel.

"I think I'll go into work like this… Lt. Colonel Maes Hughes reporting for duty, sir," he joked quietly and once again grabbed his wife's waist.

She smiled, "No, I think it's about time you get cleaned up, Lieutenant Colonel," she replied breathlessly, wiping the lipstick off his face with her towel as well.

"But I like the new me….Let's go out for some drinks, so you could show me off," he joked again in a hushed voice.

"No offense, but if you get that pink stuff on your uniform, Maes, it'll never come off. I already ruined this towel," she explained.

"All dressed up and nowhere to go," he stated mock-sullenly and happened to look down, "Man, they did my toenails too!" He announced to Gracia, wiggling his toes. She continued to grin at the sight of his massive feet with touches of the pink polish on his toenails. They both picked up the toys that littered the floor setting them on the shelves and in their various places. There was a silence that filled the room, an awkwardness that was alien in the Hughes household.

"The two haven't changed back yet," Gracia observed. "What if—?" she stopped herself from going on.

"I know," Maes replied touching her shoulder, he soon dismissed the thought, and changed the subject, "Honey, where do you keep the polish remover?" Maes asked.

"Oh no…Maes I'm _so_ sorry….I ran out of it just yesterday."

"""""""""""""""""""""""

Colonel Roy Mustang walked into his office early. He glanced at the coffee table. The cups they used to have their tea party still stood on it as if reminding him the previous day's events. He gathered up the cups and placed them on the desks. '_Is Riza back to her original self? Will she remember anything that happened? What if she suffers side-effects? What if she's _not_ back to her normal state?_' His frantic thoughts began jumbling together.

He was interrupted by the sound of the door to his office opening and someone entering. Looking up hopefully, Roy prayed that Riza was all right. And by all right, he also meant _not _a four-year-old.

His heart sank slightly as he saw that his visitor was Maes carrying the sleeping form of little Riza Hawkeye in his arms. Maes gave him a wry look, and a whispered, "Sorry buddy, you just must be outta luck. But we had the _best_ time!" Roy looked down at Riza as she lay there…and noticed that her carrier sported a light shade of pink nail polish. Roy raised his eyebrows. "What?" Maes followed Roy's pointed look and then laughed quietly. "Like them? I think they're a perfect contrast to the uniform." He walked over to the couch as he said this, gently placing the slumbering girl on the couch. "I'll tell you later. The pictures are so-o cute!"

That shook Roy out of his reverie. "Pictures?" He repeated. "I thought I told you—"

"Well, I've got lots of work to catch up on today, so I'll just leave you and your little sweetheart alone."

And before Roy could even call "MAES!" he was gone.

"""""""""""""""""""""""

"Thanks honey," Maes said to Gracia once he had exited the Colonel's office, taking an also slumbering Winry from her arms. A sleepy Elysia rubbed her eyes from where she stood beside her mother, holding her hand.

"We'll be leaving then," Gracia told him, lifting Elysia to fill the space vacated by Winry.

"Bye, sweetheart." Maes and his wife shared a short good-bye kiss before he gave Elysia a peck on the forehead and walked away with Winry in his arms.

""""""""""""""""""""""

A light knock on the door prompted Alphonse Elric to answer it. He opened the door slightly only to see Maes and a sleeping little Winry in his arms. "Lt Colonel Hughes," Alphonse greeted. As quick as he could, Al opened the door to allow them in, "I can't believe she's not back to normal yet," Al whispered.

Maes scanned the room looking for someplace to lay down the four year old.

"I know, I'm a bit worried about that….But I'm sure it will all turn out OK," he stated trying desperately to sound reassuring. The only bed in the room was occupied by Edward, who was slumbering underneath the covers and only took up one side of the bed. He looked at Alphonse as if ascertaining whether placing Winry there would be prudent.

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happened to Winry." The Lt. Col. carefully placed Winry on top of the covers beside a sleeping Ed. Maes knew the ties of their relationship were strong, bound by friendship and a compassion borne by trying times.

"Well, see you Al." He looked at Ed and Winry on the bed. He laughed, slightly nervous, and put his hand behind his head. "Make sure they don't hunt me down and kill me, ok?" He knew he'd left them in an awkward situation, but he trusted the boys. "I'll check on them later."

"'Kay." Alphonse answered and watched Maes leave the room.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: How sweet….I know it was a departure (we told you it would be), but considering the lack of Gracia/Maes on this site, we had to. Besides, it's good to take a break once in awhile. What's weird about eppy 25 is that I wasn't blubbering while I was watching it, but every time I think about it now, I want to cry. I'm stunted like that….And in case you're wondering, Maes called Gracia and told her about the girls coming over before he left HQ. He's not the type to spring something like this on her.

**Runa: **I almost didn't put the tea party in there, but I was convinced otherwise, and it seems to be a good move. Well, my mom has had experience with children (what with raising me and all) and I got most of my information from her. Plus, I also babysit.

**The Celestial Tiger:** I think he was one of _everyone_'s favorite characters, if not _the_ most favorite. You know they're only doing it because it's Winry and Riza, right? Well, Roy's bit more mature and he's seen what they can do if denied the freedom to make certain decisions. They're taking a big risk, yeah, but they certainly wouldn't want to bring Riza and Winry home with them. If Riza woke up at Roy's place, she'd probably go ballistic! Literally, now that I think about it. And while that would be completely hilarious, somehow, I don't want to write it.

**Apparition7:** We have a lot of Maes love in this chapter, so I hope it was OK. I checked Shou's voice, and you're right, they're the same. You're also right that Hiei is awesome. He ownz all their asses. Except Yusuke, 'cause I love Yusuke too. I trust that the chapter lived up to your expectations.

**Kyia Star:** Either it was Maes or Ed. Which would you choose?

**Camille:** It wouldn't be a true comedy without Maes added to the bunch.

**Invisible johnny: **Oh, Ed's just fun to tease, isn't he?

**Presea Combatir:** We like the prospect of Riza calling him Uncle Roy as well. That part of eppy 25 almost got me as well. I'm about to cry right now, in fact, just thinking about it….Then of course the movie I'm watching has to go ruin it for me….

**Crazyanimefreak15:** That's also a good reason. What's even better is that they're one big, happy family with Riza as the mommy. That image is just priceless! Ed kinda looks like Riza if you think about it. I've always toyed with an idea for a fic based off the book "Hush" by Ann Fraiser (good book, btw) using that excuse. But anyway, thanks for the review!

**Tsunade-chan:** I love Hughes too! SQUEALIES::huggles Hughes plushie: Thanks for the compliment. My mom helps me with those a lot.

**Pichu17B:** I almost didn't put the song in, but, as with the tea party idea, I was quickly convinced otherwise.

**Pilgrim Snow:** If that's true about your lunch ladies, I feel _so_ bad for you. Thank you also for the review!

**Lone Metal Alchemist:** O.O :puts hands up: All right, all right!

**aNiMe-AzN-aNgEl:** I liked Roy as the daddy and Riza as the mommy. To quote Maes, "I'm sure he is." I think it's been established that we all like Maes. Why yes, we do live on the coast.

**Ice Witch101:** I'll be waiting for my cookie then!

**Chibijac:** I love sleep overs! Thanks for the feedback!

**AnimeFreaks13:** It's ok, as long as you've reviewed! Have coffee. Coffee will help. :nod nod:

**Winry the Alchemist:** I e-mailed you. So there. :p

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** It is insulting when you really think about it. It may be just an image. But if you think of it in terms of that Riza is sacred to him, a sinner like him doesn't deserve her love. So he sleeps with other girls as a kind of way of forgetting what he's done, and that he can't have what he wants. Ah, it's kinda stupid, _my_ theory is, but it's sorta…sad. Don't mind me….I'll check on your profile for the e-mail since it didn't show up. You know how ffdotnet is about URLs.

To **SwordmasterKevin**, **My Dream's Shadow**, **angelneko22**, **candidus-lupus-full Moon**, **kitsunesensei**, and** lupin**, thank you for your reviews!

It seems that "Why did Maes have to die?" is the million dollar question today. Hm. R&R!


	8. The Awakening

Logic of a Child

Chapter 8: The Awakening

by: IMBSA

IMBSA: Well, the last planned chapter is at hand. Please. Save the sobbing and the blubbering for later. I don't really feel like getting drowned today. We had enough rain with Dennis. (Yet miraculously the Internet still works. :knocks on wood: )

Disclaimer: "Three things happen when you get old. First your memory goes, then…um…um.…"

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Alphonse sat at the desk in the room. He was very worried about Winry's condition. _Maybe it lasts longer than we thought_? Alphonse opened up the journal he had started after the lettuce incident. Much of his time was taken up carefully studying the lettuce since the mere sight of him sent the girls into a paranoid state. He thought it useful to be writing down observations and note any changes. Today would not be any different, would it? He secretly hoped it would. The closet smelled funny and it was a bit cramped for someone of his size, yet that was the only place he could be confined and still observe the effects. Al unwrapped the towel and looked at the incriminating head of lettuce. It looked just like it did prior to the experiment, except much of it was chopped into bite sized pieces. The green leaves still looked relatively fresh for day old, chopped lettuce. Maybe that was a good sign.

"""""""""""""""""

Edward Elric slept soundly for the most part. He turned over, with some difficulty. Something was heavy on the top of his covers, _Alphonse must be sitting on the bed again_. _He's always sitting there. _As_ if I wouldn't notice. He weighs so much more than he thinks. But hey, it's not like I can tell him to lose weight or anything. _He peeked through one eye. _Oh. It's only Winry…and I thought Al weighed _thi_s much._ He paused. Ed opened both of his eyes this time being nose to nose with the unmistakable, full sized Winry Rockbell, who slumbered closely at his side. A smile was on her face that didn't quite match up with the panic that was on his. "Winry!" he shouted in surprise. Her blue eyes opened to take in an extreme close up of Ed's face as they shared a pillow beneath their heads.

""""""""""""""""""

Roy Mustang had to come up with a plan, just in case. He mentally rehearsed what he would tell the men at another impromptu meeting if Hawkeye's condition was unchanged from yesterday's state. He needed his coffee and so he left the office to put some water in the percolator.

The 1st Lieutenant opened her eyes from her happy dream. She was suddenly aware that she wasn't at home but in the Colonel's office. _Isn't it morning? What am I doing here?_ She sat up and looked at her uniform. It was very wrinkled and had some stains on the sleeves and front. She sniffed them to see if the smell would possibly generate some memory of a time and place. _Strawberries?_ _Wait. I wouldn't come into work with a uniform looking like this. God, it's so wrinkled it looks like I….slept in it._ Sheer panic ran through her bones. She vaguely remembered a party. She looked around the room and saw a high ball glass on the coffee table. She picked it up. It reeked of bourbon. _Oh no….Did the unthinkable happen? Maybe I just fell asleep here alone. Yeah, I fell asleep here alone, trying to catch up on some work….Don't panic Riza… But if the Colonel comes in (he's usually not in this early, is he?) then maybe it would be safe (gulp? would that necessarily be _safe_?) to assume that…_ Her thoughts were interrupted by Roy who was setting up the coffee maker. She stood up and watched him momentarily. She didn't know what to say. Roy turned to see Riza, hair slightly disheveled, uniform definitely not as crisp as usual, with a confused look in her eyes.

"Lt. Hawkeye," he said almost breathlessly, quite shocked but in any case elated to see his 1st lieutenant had returned. "Did you sleep well?" he asked. The question caught her quite by surprise.

""""""""""""""""""

Ed jumped out of bed, precariously balancing on one foot. Noting he only had his boxers on, he quickly grabbed up the sheet and blanket with his automail arm and held it in front of him like someone who was rudely interrupted while drying off from a bath. But as he did so the force caused Winry to flip off the top of the bed and land on the floor below on the opposite side. _THUMP_! He was still forced to balance himself. A futile effort as turned out to be.

Hearing the ruckus, Alphonse turned around to see Ed, still holding on to the sheet and blanket, checking the condition of the fallen Winry. The older brother was also babbling almost incoherently. "Winry, don't make any assumptions! Nothing happened! We didn't—please—" He was cut off when a wrench came flying at his head, knocking him to the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Winry screamed as Ed used the bed post to help him get up. "What happened? If both of you are in this together, someone's gonna get dismantled!" She gestured to both of them, brandishing another wrench threateningly.

"I already have been!" Ed yelled back. Another wrench soared past his ear.

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!" She turned to the hulking metal giant in the corner. "AL! What does he mean?"

A thoroughly terrified Al answered, "Winry, don't get mad, okay?" He asked, hands ready to deflect anything that might have flown through the air at him. "But you really _did_ dismantle his foot!" He cringed, anticipating Winry's wrath.

"What, but—" She turned toward Ed. "Why didn't you use alchemy to fix it?"

"I couldn't because you hid all the parts when you were…..like-like four-years-old!" Ed yelled back and then immediately cursed himself for letting slip that little detail.

"What-? Are you saying I was acting like a child?" Winry asked.

There was a pause as both Elric brothers looked at each other and then both said, "Well, yeah…" both winced. Alphonse still had his hands up, ready to block a flying wrench, Ed crouched by the bed. He peeked at her, trying not to be conspicuous. But his antic was met by another one of Winry's soaring tools.

"""""""""""""""""""

Riza sat down on the couch pondering her predicament, as Roy set up a coffee cup and prepared a cup of tea. She happened to realize that her holsters were missing. _My pistols! They're gone! _She felt her back and looked at her waist making sure she was not mistaken. Then she cleared her throat nervously,

"(Ahem) Sir….do you….know where my pistols are?" Roy walked over to his desk. He opened one of his drawers and took out some very familiar looking holsters.

His mind churned in conflict. _Disclosing_ _too much might be detrimental to the state of things._ _How much does she remember? Does she recall anything from yesterday? She seems confused. _He found that worrisome

"I put them in here for safe keeping because," he paused searching for the right words, "I thought they would get in the way."

"I see," she said, assuming the worse. _It _would_ be like him to think they would get in the way and disarm me!_ Roy cautiously picked up her packed holsters from the drawer and then thought better of that idea. _Suppose she doesn't remember who I am and takes aim at me? That would not be good… Of course, the 1st Lieutenant would feel quite lost without her pistol_s. He left them on his desk and brought her a cup of tea.

"Here you go….Lieutenant Hawkeye," he said with a smile and handed her a cup. She smiled nervously back for a second and placed it down on the table. She seemed to be preoccupied with the high ball glass that was very visible on the tabletop. Roy sat across from Riza and noticed her distraction. "That was from yesterday," he began, "we sort of had a….a party," he stated, still unsure of how much information he really needed to tell her. Suddenly the door flew open; Maes Hughes was on the other side.

He looked at Riza, taken aback by her appearance, but seemed happy to see her, "Lieutenant Hawkeye, you're awake! Wow! Did you sleep well?" Maes asked.

_Oh-no….Why is he asking about how I slept? Does he know what happened too? What a disastrous situation_! _How many people know about this?_ She nodded tensely and crossed her arms, as though giving herself a hug.

"First Lieutenant, you take your tea with sugar, correct?" Roy asked.

"Uhm…yes, actually I do," she replied trying to wipe away the wrinkles on her jacket.

"Maes, could you get that sugar bowl for the Lieutenant, please," Roy asked.

Lt. Col. Hughes smiled as he approached her, "Don't mind if I do," he obliged, holding out the sugar bowl to Riza, who could not help but notice his bright pink nails. She took the bowl from the grinning man and placed it by her cup on the table. "That was _some_ party last night!" Hughes said, maniacally smiling.

"_P-party_, sir!" Riza's voice broke and shivered.

"Yeah, it started over here and carried over to Lt. Col. Hughes' house," Roy explained.

"And Gracia was…_OK_ with that?" Riza asked, obviously trying to fit events together. _Good, she mentioned Gracia and connected her with Hughes, that's a good sign, _Roy thought

"Oh yeah! It was an all nighter…or just about anyway! Wild stuff—_fun_ stuff!" Maes enthusiastically explained with a glimmer in his eye.

_What the hell did we do_? _Wild? Fun? Party…? Pink fingernails?_ Riza shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

"We brought you back here," Maes grinned.

"So I…I never went home?" she asked, unsure if she wanted to know the answer to that question.

"Heavens no.…We couldn't leave you at home in your condition," Maes stated matter of factly. She suddenly felt very warm under her collar.

"Sir, may I… be excused?" Riza asked; she was very pale.

"Of course, Lieutenant," Roy replied, with concern in his voice.

"Thank you, sir," she said and left the room.

Trying desperately to comprehend what happened, Riza made her way to the ladies room and met up with Breda, Havoc and Fury as they came in for the day.

"Lt. Hawkeye," Havoc announced. All three men stopped and saluted her. Havoc's face crumpled, noticing her unusually disheveled appearance, "Did you spend the night here, Lieutenant?" Havoc asked. Riza shook her head, said nothing and quickly made her way to the ladies' room.

"""""""""""""

Winry sat on the floor of Ed's room. An obvious frustration made Alphonse ask, "Winry, do remember taking Ed's foot apart?" She was quiet, and obsessed with far away thoughts.

She bit her index finger then said, "I think so….Your foot…The parts are in Ed's other boot in the closet," Winry stated suddenly, as if just coming to a realization. Alphonse stood up and walked to the closet for Ed's boot. Sure enough the missing pieces were deep in the boot's toe. As Alphonse carried the boot to her, his huge, alarming presence sent a shiver down her spine, especially the view of Al from where she sat. For a second, Alphonse saw a flash of the four year old Winry staring up at him.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Oh—no, Al….I was just reminded of something, that's all," she replied smiling.

"Well, how about it Winry…Do you think you can fix my foot, now?" Ed asked with the bed sheet and blanket wrapped around him like a toga.

"Of course I can, silly," she told him, picking up her tools from the ground.

"I'm so glad you're here….Seriously, Winry, I really am," Ed stated with relief.

"Well, you can't let curious little kids dismantle things they have no knowledge of, Ed," Winry stated as she opened up the tool box and began her work. Ed smiled and Alphonse began an entry in the journal.

""""""""""""""""""""

Finally, the coffee was finished. Roy and Maes thought they could both use a cup of java.

"The Lieutenant was acting pretty strange this morning wasn't she?" Roy remarked as he stirred his coffee.

"Well, yeah, but given the circumstances…I guess anyone would feel out of sorts to spend a day reverted to a child and come back again. She was pretty spooked. You think it could have been my pretty fingernails?" Maes concluded trying to ease the tension with humor, looking at his nails thoughtfully and smiled. "Gracia ran out of nail polish remover," Roy smirked at Maes who was trying to scrape off the pink artificial coloring on his thumb, "Really, she did. The girls decided to play beauty salon last night. They were so precious giving me a make over. You should have been there."

"Ah…No…thank you. I was fine being excruciatingly worried about them in the privacy of my own home," Roy laughed momentarily. But then his voice took on a more serious tone. "I wish I knew what was going on in her head," Roy pondered, "Do you think she has any memory of what happened yesterday?"

"I don't know…I guess we could ask her….Or Winry…I wonder if she reverted back too," Maes thought out loud

"Yes, call Gracia and ask her if Winry turned—"

"I don't need to call Gracia. We just need to talk to Ed," Maes interrupted.

"Ed? As in _Elric_?...No, Maes…Don't tell me that you?...No…No, that's against policy!" Roy almost choked on his coffee realizing what Maes had done.

"Who's policy? Mine? Yours? Or the military's? Yeah, she's with Ed what did you expect me to do? Ed would NEVER forgive me if I left her with _you_. Besides, I thought it was necessary to observe any side effects or what have you from the experiment, and to do that she had to be here. It was all in the name of science…or alchemy, which ever you prefer."

Roy knew Maes was right. Whether he liked to admit it or not, they had inadvertently made Winry an unwilling part of an experiment and that meant that he had done the same to Riza. He had to know what happened to both subjects. The men left the room to Edward Elric's quarters.

"""""""""""""""""

There was an urgent knock at Ed's door.

"Alright, alright! Hold your horses," Ed exclaimed as he opened the door. "Oh it's you, Mustang!" Ed still had his sheets wrapped around him like a toga.

Roy gave Fullmetal a quick once over, "Are you trying to start a new fashion trend?" Roy asked. Maes elbowed Roy, "Where's Winry?" Roy continued.

"I'm right here," she chimed in. She was a sight for sore eyes. "I was just putting some finishing touches on Ed's foot…Rumor has it some lispy four year old took it apart and hid some of the pieces," she disclosed jokingly.

"She seems to remember most of the things that happened yesterday, sir" Alphonse reported, journal in hand.

"Mr. Hughes, thanks for the great party. I haven't done something like that in a _long_ time," Winry remarked.

"I really loved my make-over, but…well, you understand," Maes commented touching the top of his head, still sporting his polished nails.

"Oh Colonel," Winry added, apologetic look on her face, "could you possibly tell Lt. Havoc, Warrant Officer Falman, and Lt Breda that I'm….I'm _so-o_ sorry?"

"""""""""""""""""""""

Riza washed her face in the sink, hoping the cold water would somehow erase the events that occurred the night before. She remembered flashes of a party or two. But somehow sleeping on the Colonel's couch, and any sordid events that took place there, seemed non-existent. _I must have been really, _really_ drunk. How could I let this happen? And the Colonel's acting as if nothing…_Riza could not go on thinking or feeling that way. She took a very deep breath. Then tried to clean off some of the strawberry stains from the sleeve and front of her jacket. Riza took her hair down, combed through it with her fingers and tidied up her tresses. She let out a sigh and opened the restroom door.

She walked towards the office and was greeted by Master Sergeant Fury who sheepishly asked, "Are you feeling alright, Lieutenant?" Riza was at a loss for words.

Finally she sputtered, "Uh—y-yeah, kinda," she managed a weak grin and continued towards the office.

"With _all _the fun we had yesterday, I'm sure there maybe some residual effects, _ma'am_," Breda said with a sly grin.

"Yes, Lieutenant….I believe you owe me a cigarette, ma'am," Havoc stated with a smile.

"What do you—" Riza began, but then stopped. A flash of something came back, of her standing on a desk, holding Havoc's cigarette up and taunting him with it. '_Oh God, I was flirting with _him_!'_

The door opened and the group turned as one to see Roy and Maes walk in. Riza looked quite like a deer in the headlights. "Sir," she saluted, voice breaking once again on the word as the others stood and followed her example (minus the embarrassing vocal acrobatics).

"At ease." Roy answered. "Lieutenant Hawkeye, I need to see you and Hughes in my office."

Riza eyes widened imperceptively. "Yes sir." She answered.

When the three were safely behind the closed door of Roy's office, Roy asked, "What do you remember?"

Wondering exactly what he was fishing for, Riza replied hesitantly, earnestly trying to fit bits and pieces together,"Well….I remember there were…two parties….One at Lt. Col. Hughes's house….It was…in a _bedroom_…and I was…." She gave Maes an incredulous look, pointing at him slightly accusingly, "_Playing with your hair?_" She noticed Roy's increased attention at that.

"Played with his hair?" He repeated, seemingly enviously.

"But I wasn't…the only girl there…." She put her hands to her mouth. "What happened last night?" She was almost in hysterics. "What did we drink?"

Roy and Maes exchanged confused looks. "We didn't drink anything." The Colonel answered.

"Didn't—" That seemed to distress her even more. She was covering her face completely in her hands now, and seemed on the verge of tears. "It's worse than I thought!" She wailed like a child. THAT alarmed the men. She peeked above her fingertips at them. "Did I really do all that? Play with your hair?"

"Yeah," Maes answered casually for the situation.

"Tease Havoc with his cigarette?... That I stood on his desk?"

"Uh…._Yeah_…." Roy answered.

She let out another despaired wail and recovered her face. "_What_ possessed me to _do_ all that!"

Maes and Roy shared even more startled looks than before.

"Uh, do you remember eating a salad?" Roy asked tentatively.

"Um….Um….I don't know….I…_think_ so, around the same time yesterday…."

"Well….That lettuce….It was….Let's not go there…."

Riza looked up at them from the cage her hands made around her face. "No! Tell me! What happened?"

"There was…." Roy sighed, unable to go on, So Maes broke out his pictures.

She took the one he offered her and stare at it for a moment. Her eyes widened. "_What_!"

"That's why you were playing with my hair….You guys wanted to play beauty salon and give me a makeover." Maes wiggled his nails in front of her to emphasize.

Riza put a reassuring palm to her forehead. "So….I was a little girl?"

"Pretty much." Roy answered with a nod. "But if you ask Breda, Havoc, or Falman…they might call you…a…four-year-old hellion….Or a harpy."

The word brought back a slight memory, one of her hanging from a certain yellow part of a certain 2nd Lieutenant's uniform. She smiled slightly.

"Do you remember a water pistol?" Roy asked.

"A black one…." Riza replied, faint smile once again forming on her lips.

"You gave her a water pistol?" Maes asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Not within the confines of an office! That's an outdoor toy!"

"Oh."

Maes's remark about the confines of an office brought back an earlier point. Riza frowned. "So….I…didn't…spend the night wi—here?"

"No." The men answered simultaneously.

She sighed in relief. "Oh, OK. That's good. Th-that's really good." She repeated as if to reassure herself that nothing disreputable happened between herself and her superior officer upon the couch she woke up on.

"Why?" Roy asked.

"Nothing." She answered. There was still a slight tremor to her voice, but she slowly yet surely seemed to be regaining her composure.

Something clicked in Roy's mind. At the risk of being presumptuous, he asked, "You didn't think we—"

Knowing exactly what he was going to ask her this time, she shook her head quickly, praying he couldn't see through her little white lie. "No, of course not, sir." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Maes raise his eyebrows, the beginnings of a smirk on his face. She silently promised painful retribution if he even so much as _thought_ about bringing it up.

Slowly, so slowly, her memories of the previous day returned and she was no longer the panicked, half-crazed woman she was when she had awoken. She colored slightly when she thought of her behavior (especially the close proximity she kept instigating with the Colonel), but for the most part, she accepted what had happened.

Once Maes had helped with Roy's explanation and was sure that the day would progress as normal—or as normal as a day ever was with Mustang's raggle-taggle band of freaks—he left to return to the work he had missed the day before.

Riza settled back into the chair at her desk as the door closed behind the Lt. Col. "So, sir, how much paperwork did you manage to finish yesterday while I was…'_away_'?"

"All of it, actually." She gave him a disbelieving look. He swept his hands in a 'See for yourself'' gesture at the wood before him, and lo and behold, it seemed to be clear of everything except the paperwork that had arrived that very morning. Riza sighed and looked at the mountainous heap of documents that were piled on her desk. "You know, I think we could scale up that and claim it as Mt. Amestris, what do you think?"

"I'm not catching you if you fall to your death, sir." She dead-panned.

"Why don't I help you scale it down, then?" She looked up as sunlight seemed to pour down on her due to the amount of paper he had removed. Her eyes widened slightly.

"I can get it, sir." She told him.

"Hawkeye, let _me_ help _you_ for once." He smirked. "It's a one time thing though, so you'd best take advantage of it."

She nodded. "Yes sir. Thank you sir." However, that simple phrase did not seem to be enough. So as he walked back to her desk for another stack, uncharacteristic streak of diligence seemingly undaunted, she quickly grabbed his wrist to prevent him from leaving. He looked at her, slightly surprised. "Thank you….For everything…Uncle Roy." She released him from her grip.

Roy couldn't help the crazy grin that spread across his face as he walked back to his desk.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IMBSA: If you guys were wondering why it took Riza a longer time to regain her memories, you gotta remember that she's around 11 years older than Winry. She's got 21 years worth of fog to cut through while Winry's got half that to sort out. And if the EdWin or Royai wasn't enough for you guys, sorry. That's as far as it goes in this fic. This is the last planned chapter, and even if you _do_ review and beg for another one, we can't promise you anything. But one reviewer's comment intrigued me, and I might be persuaded to do a sequel if we finish all the projects we've already got on our plate, but once again, no promises on that. Thank you all for the support and the kind reviews. You guys really made my day! Thank you, so much! Y'ALL ROCK!

**The Celestial Tiger:** My dad _never_ let me do that. Guess he had _some_ shred of dignity. That must mean my mom didn't because she used to let me do that. Not dad though. I'm glad the tribute was good!

**AnimeFreaks13: **Uh-oh, was I not supposed to say that? O.O Sorry if I spoiled anything for you. Coffee? I don't like it much either, so I guess it's all right. Instant humans! Just add coffee.

**Presea Combatir:** I want to see the movie too! (Who doesn't?) I also want to see the episodes first too, but since school is gonna be starting up when the new episodes are on, I might have to just beg my lil bro to give me the tapes of it he gets. Rorouni Kenshin? I love Aoshi! I'm sorry….That reason is one of them. The other's just because it's damn funny. Thank you. Any mistakes in spelling or whatever really irk me. My parents say I'm anal, but my story is I'm organized…though looking at my room…. :laughs nervously:

**IceWitch101: **I'm sure you'll find a way….I want my cookie, so you better find a way. I'm sure there's a virtual cookie out there in cyberspace….Though it may be a bit moldy and green and crap….

**Tsunamimbw:** You do, you really do.

**Kyia Star: **Maybe they did, but the question is, "Which do you prefer?"

**Sanji: **We're just slick like that. We've also got wire taps on all the lines in your house, so resistance is futile.

**Tsunade-chan:** :hugs Hughes plushie to chest: NOOOOOO! MY PLUSHIE! GET YOUR OWN::hisses: We thought it would be better if Winry was the one who had a lisp instead of Riza. It was somehow…just _cuter_ on her than the Lieutenant.

**Runa: **I have my inklings about the end of the series, so I'm not _completely_ oblivious (though some beg to differ). Thanks for the offer, but no thank you. I have my reservations about downloading things from the Internet. I've gotten viruses and stuff, so I'm still wary. Thank you, again.

**crazyanimefreak15: **I thought all that made a cute picture….

**invisible johnny: **I know, right? It's the same problem I have with everything. Once, I was watching this movie and there was this one guy who was really cute, and I said as much to my mom. The moment the words were out of my mouth, his head got hacked off and he died. It sucked. In everything I'm writing (but not posting) everyone gets all pissy at Envy and it's like my therapy. I'm glad you liked the tribute, you especially since you're one of my favorite R&R'ers.

**DojomistressAmbyChan:** Thank you for the suggestion, but as you can see, we've got it. I always like innovative readers, though, so it's not a problem.

**cadydid:** We didn't understand it either, but the Fuhrer's got his reasons….Well, Riza wasn't there, Roy's holding a miniature version of her like she's glass and about to break. I mean, I'd probably think the same thing too. Besides, you know that's what'll happen in a couple of years….

**Apparition7: **Well my hope for him coming back has been successfully _killed_. And it's strange. I loved him alive and I hated it that he died, but I almost feel like it would be an insult to his character if he somehow inexplicably came back to life. His death has endeared him even more to us, has made him that much more beloved than before. And sometimes I think he is perfect laid to rest as he is. Then the insane part takes over and screams, "Are you kidding me? You _crazy_, man?" NAd that philosophical mood fades away….

**Winry the Alchemist:** You don't know how proud it made us feel to see the quotes from the fic on your profile, displayed for all to see. It really gave my self-esteem a boost, and truth be told, I really needed it then. Thanks so much! Sorry it almost made you cry, but hey, we suffer for our loves, don't we?

**C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only:** I'm not sure if you got my e-mail or not, so I'll reply here anyway. I'd be happy to help with a fic that you write, as long as I get specifics and details and what not. Just e-mail me, and we'll be good to go.

**Aquabubble/SwordmasterKevin:** I thought you had a perfectly wonderful SN, why did you go changing it?

**aNiMe-AzN-aNgEl:** :scuffs foot on floor: Well garn….We all just love Maes, judging from all the responses we've received about him. But thank you for the compliments. He would just be that nice to let them do that. You know he would.

**Everto Angelus:** Yes, the dimwits thought that Riza was actually their daughter since she looks so much like her and Roy was the one carrying her. Of course their petty minds jumped to conclusions. Well we're together in our indecision….Maybe….Good to hear that we're doing a god job. (Though I do have to admit that soda _is_ probably more addicting than this crap we're turning out.) I'm sorry it made you cry….Want tissue::holds box of Kleenex out. bursts into laughter as she reads the insult towards Envy: ROTFLMFAO!

**Maylin-chan:** It's OK, you're here now. Oh, believe me, he doesn't need your sympathy. I'm not being cruel it's just true.

**Alchemist Jade:** Chibis make it all better, don't they? We have trouble stopping ourselves from trying to hug her whenever she opens her mouth too. :blinks at puppy dog eyes: Actually that only works for her on Roy and Fury. And since I happen to be neither, that won't work. But I'll update anyway. So be happy!

**Kirusuchinu-sama:** It's disturbing, but funny somehow at the same time.

**NNNNN:** O.o Er….I wouldn't do that to Teddy-sama. Thanks though.

**Kagetsukai-Fox:** It's OK, as long as you're reading it now, right? We tried to fit them into the patterns of behavior of children we saw, yet be true to what we saw as the child-like versions of themselves. But yes, we make Riza a little more of a brat than usual. I can't say that I've had that problem with the kids I babysit, but my mom says that she knows "only all too well" that that can happen.

To **Mutsu Okato**, **xeledhwenx**, **candidus-lupus-full Moon**, **My Dream's Shadow**, **Selene12**, and **winXed4eva**, thank you for your kind reviews.

Additional thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed during the course of this story. You helped with the warm fuzzies and they're— :gets cut off by a series of yipping noises and looks down at a multitude of fuzzies on leashes tied to her wrist as they bark up her leg reminiscent of little puppies: Oh hush. :they calm down: Anyway, as I was saying, I now have new pets that I would be happy to give away for free. :they growl at her. she growls back and they cower: I think they've been with me too long. They're starting to take after me now. :sighs: Oh well. Thanks once again! Byeses!


End file.
